Of course she disagreed. She always disagreed. He never did anything that was right in her eyes, he always had to fuck things up and had to pay for it. But not this time, no, this time he was determined to make others feel what he had gone through. He would make sure that for once, he wasn’t the only one. His whole life had been a misery and now someone had to pay for it. Not himself, no, he had been through too much.

Instead, somehow his thoughts gunned down his brother. Telling him that he had been the one to cause all this. It sounded logical in his head right now, but it could be the poison talking, not himself. But it didn’t matter. He had a target now, he had someone to take the blame for. And how he would suffer. Kaz didn’t even think about the fact that Mort was his brother, or that he only wanted the best for him. No, instead Kaz could only come up with all the bad things that had happened. Their meetup, him almost dying, Mort biting him and not listening to him. It had been in front of his eyes all this time and somehow he had been blind to it. Or he wanted to be.

After all, it was his brother. He was the only family he still had left. Was he ready to discard that fact? Was he ready to ruin their bond forever and always? It seemed like it as the vampire stayed on his feet and focussed his eyes on the door. He had to get out, he had to get to his brother. He had to pay. Kaz groaned as he felt how his head protested. But he had to do this. Allison’s warning didn’t get through, as he shifted his eyes towards her again. ‘’Where is he?’’ Some sort of threat was beneath his words, a useless and empty threat as he got nowhere without anyone. He was useless without her.

She continued to disagree. What a surprise. Somewhere in his mind, he hadn’t expect anything less. She had always been persistent, always the one to pressure her ideas on him. Or had it been the other way around? He wasn’t sure anymore. Everything was a blur and nothing was to be trusted, or at least, that was what he was telling himself.

Though his vision wasn’t blurry, his thoughts were and he wasn’t sure what to believe anymore. He wasn’t sure if he could believe Allison, or himself for that matter. One thing was certain, he couldn’t trust his brother, who kept on lying to him, who kept saying that all was fine when eventually someone else would end up being the victim. Pathetic. Because for once Kaz was sure that he hadn’t done anything wrong to deserve this. Unless his memory was failing him now too. No, stop thinking like that. Focus. He had a goal in mind and he needed to get it.

She told him no again, that he was not going to leave this room. Wasn’t this the same thing he had been a few days ago? Locked up, someone trying to break him with words or trying to make him believe them. This time though, he was prepared. The vampire narrowed his eyes, looking at her as if she was the enemy. If she wasn’t going to tell him, he would find his brother himself. He didn’t even realise that even if he made it out of this room, people probably wouldn’t let him go far if he looked this bloody and ready to die.

Doubt started to cloud his mind. What if his brother had nothing to do with this? What if it was just another lie told by that woman? There was only one way to find out. ‘’I’m not letting myself get locked up again.’’ He growled in her direction. Truth to be told, he didn’t want to hurt his brother, but he had to know, he wanted to know.

What had he ever seen in her? What had been so beautiful about her that he had cared so much that he had wanted to die for her, that he married her and that he loved her? What was he missing that he did not see now? Because right now, she wasn’t any different from the woman who had kept him to his shackles. Sure, he might not wear them physically right now, but it was obvious that Allison was trying to put them on mentally. He was not to leave this room, he was not ready to speak to his brother yet.

And how did she know all that? Could she look inside his head? Or maybe she was conspiring against him. His thoughts were all over the place, a few trying to defend her, a lot more trying to blame her for this entire mess. It wasn’t logical and it was stupid, but Kaz mindset was too far gone to realise that. For now, he kept leaning against the wall, stop the world from turning around and get out there.

But maybe she said all this because she actually cared, because she wanted the best for him. But since when was locking up the best for him? Since when did she even know that was the best for him? ‘’And then what?’’ He continued with a dark tone in his voice, his attention completely focused on Allison now. ‘’Are you going to wait around until I’m hungry again and you will again send an unexpecting maid into these chambers for me to kill them? You don’t want to see that, you don’t want to see me at my full potential.’’ He took a step closer towards her, his knees buckled but he kept standing. ‘’You just want to see me as you want me to be. Someone who is there for you when you feel sad, just so that I can fix you and you can continue on. Again and again and again.’’ He was being an absolute hypocrite. How many times had she patched him up, how many times had she been there for him? And whenever she needed him, he left. For whatever reason his words sounded right in his mind, but they came out completely wrong. ’’You don’t want this mess.’’ And neither did he, but here they were.

His words weren’t enough for her to leave or to give him what he wanted. No, instead the only thing he had done was making her cry which didn’t really help this situation. In fact, it made things worse as this seemed to be an impulse his brain picked up on. She was crying. He had made her cry. Was it a good thing, was it a bad thing? Was he supposed to comfort her now or push her away still?

Allison didn’t know when to give up and somehow she still believed in him. After everything he had done and after everything they had been through, she still believed that he was good. This woman was mad and probably insane. How could one still believe in him after he basically stamped right on her and told her everything she didn’t want to hear. She cared for him and all he did was belittling her and push her away. How did she still continue on to care?

Kaz stood in silence for a few moments, not sure what to do. Better than the monster inside of him. The words echoed in his mind. She was lying again, she was lying to make him feel better. Or was she telling the truth? Hadn’t he been completely fine up until the point he had been captured? Hadn’t he lived fairly normal? Why was it such a big deal to him all of the sudden? Kaz let out a silent but deep sigh. The look of defeat in Allison’s eyes reminded him of himself. And he didn’t want her to feel like he did. Was he weak to give up so quickly? Probably.

’’Fuck.’’ He eventually let out, almost silently as he averted his eyes to the ground, looking at the space between them. She seemed so far away. ‘’I don’t want this..’’ He continued, slowly, his voice almost sounding like it could break any moment. A silence fell between them once again and after a minute or so, Kaz dared to look up again and look in her yes. ‘’But it’s better to be a monster than to be nothing at all.’’

The vows were never meant to be broken. He was hers as she was his and the other way around. They had promised to look out for each other and take care of each other. They had promised that they loved each other and that that would never change unless death parted them. Maybe it were the vows that kept the two together, even if it was just the tiniest thread between them.

Dizziness got ahold of him once again and he stumbled a bit backward, somehow keeping his balance. It only meant that the wound was healing. Physically he would be okay in a week, mentally probably never. The woman had known which pieces of him were vulnerable and she had used it against him. She had broken them and handed them back to him and he had put them together. But it had been wrong and he messed it up himself. He had healed them with poison, both his own and that of the woman. The pieces needed to break again to be put back correctly. But Kaz was afraid some would get lost.

He really needed to sit down, but he also really needed to get out of here. Though he wasn’t actually locked up, the walls around him were enough for him to feel anxious. His blood was everywhere and it was a surprise he hadn’t passed out yet from the loss of it. That would probably soon happen if he continued to stand up like this. But his stubborn ass told him to not show any weakness, although he had already done it many times this past week. ‘’I’m sorry.’’ He managed to get out of his mouth. Two words that would probably be repeated a lot more the more he would progress.

It was scary how much he depended on other people. If it hadn’t been for Allison, he wouldn’t be on a throne right now. If it hadn’t been for Mort, he would be dead right now. And if it hadn’t been for countless of other people, the good and the bad, he wouldn’t be here at all. To this day he wasn’t sure if he was grateful for that. After all, he never really had wanted a throne, it wasn’t his thing. He liked to lay low and live on that adrenaline rush. Sure, he had gotten that rush these past few days but overall, this was not his life.

The crow had silently watched the two, obviously confused by everything. The bond between Kaz and Kruge was weak and Kaz still wasn’t sure how the bird got back in the first place. And why he came back. But he was here now, which meant that Kaz had more troubles that were good for him, but what else was new. It was now to hope that the crow didn’t bring any dark foreshadowing with him. Like a plague or something.

It was strange how quickly his emotions switched. Minutes ago he had almost been screaming at her, fuming with hate. Now, he was doubting if he should grab her hand or not, if she was lying again. Maybe she wanted to throw him out of the window. He wouldn’t blame her. If he accepted her hand right now, it meant he would want to get forward and recover. It would mean that he had to work on himself and get out of this mindset. Maybe it would also mean coming to terms with himself and how badly he needed to change regardless of what had happened this past week. Refusing her hand meant that he wanted her gone and there was nothing she could do for him. Refusing meant pushing her away again.

Kaz hesitated, the doubt clear in his eyes before he finally made a decision. The vampire reached out to her, limping a bit forward, almost losing his balance again and half crashing into Allison. A very faint chuckle could be heard. At least he could still laugh. Did that mean there was progress? Probably not as he noticed how disconnected he felt from everything. But it sure was something better than scolding someone who just wanted the best for you.

He had to be careful she told him. It made him chuckle again, shaking his head. The last thing he was, was careful and he had proved that on multiple occasions. Telling him this now, was like telling someone who had already tripped over a very obvious obstacle that they had to watch out.

Nonetheless, Kaz listened to Allison for once and nodded, slowly limping towards the bed and sitting down. He was scared that if he lied down again he would lose consciousness again, so for now he stayed up, no matter the dizziness. His eyes wandered the room, seeing all the blood. His blood. Even Allison noted that she could smell it and Kaz could only nod. ‘’It’s a very foul stench.’’ He added. Normally, blood triggered him, luring him closer. But not for his own, it was like his own reminded him of his human side. A side that was all messed up and broken and he wanted to stay away from as much as was possible.

His eyes went back to Allison again. How could she even put up with his shit? It was remarkable, no it was a bloody miracle. Quite literally if you looked at the situation right now. He frowned, trying to get his eyes to focus on her, but things were getting blurry again. Had the blood of the maid already been used up? Was this his body telling him he needed more? There was no hunger, just.. a lightheaded feeling. Maybe it was the bloodloss. ‘’We’re inseparable.’’ Kaz replied dryly on her comment about everything being a mess. Here he was, having a life crisis and he was joking. Things sure weren’t looking on the bright side for him. Maybe he really needed to lay down for a moment.

He might have told it as a joke, but he truly thought that the mess he always created was just something he had inherited from someone, something, whatever. Whenever he went, trouble followed. No one was really safe from it, no matter how much he tried to protect them. At first he thought Allison was too smart to get into his mess, but somewhere along the way they both had made the mistake, or blessing of liking each other a little too much. And now they were here. Both a mess, both horribly not sure what to do with this situation.

Kaz let his hands rest on his lap, staring on the blood that was tainting them. When she spoke, he turned his gaze to her. Of course she had to start about how she looked while he had been trying to get inside his leg minutes ago. Or had it been longer? Time was vague for him at the moment, still confused after the dark days in the basement. The vampire rolled his eyes and groaned. ‘’You have hundreds of dresses, don’t put this on me.’’ He wanted to say that she had done it to herself, that she rushed to help him. But that would be wrong, so wrong. ‘’Besides, red suits you.’’ Very wrong Kaz.