Splinter

This couldn't go on for forever. That simply wasn't doable. Kaz knew but didn't act upon it. After all, every decision he had made up to this point had been a bad one. It had come to the point that he wasn't even sure if things were even fixable anymore. Maybe he stayed too long in this hurt and fear. Maybe it was already too late.

The vampire had managed to get through the castle almost unnoticed. No sign of Allison nor Gareth, who were his biggest fears to bump into right now. His head was a mess and he looked like a mess and the last thing he wanted was to start a discussion about that. It was probably already a little strange that two servants had disappeared over the past weeks and if people connected the dots, he was done for.

Why he even had thought of getting out on the middle of the day he wasn't sure either. But the fresh air was something positive. Walking through the castle without his cane was a hell and he had to keep one hand against the wall for support everywhere he went. It was becoming a nuisance and didn't really gave him the positive mood he so desperately needed. But eventually, Kaz had found a place in the shadows to sit, looking down on a part of the town of Brightwater below the cliff that ended in the never ending sea. It was ironic that he now was supposed to rule a country that was more sea than land while he hated everything the sea had to offer and he couldn't even swim. He truly picked out the best of what his life had to offer.

How could you love and hate a place at the same time? This city was where he had grown up, where he had learned his ways. It had been cruel but forgiving to him, it had given him a chance. And now he got the chance to pay that favor back. Only.. he didn't want to. As he looked down on the roofs, all he wanted was for it to pay, to burn. It had suffered under the attack of the Vikings, but it hadn't been enough.

The sudden sound of a voice pulled Kaz away from his thoughts, back into the land of the living. As soon as he noticed the man, a flinch of paranoia was already rising in his chest. He didn't know him, but apparently the man knew him. That usually wasn't a good thing. Kaz frowned, hesitated and then opened his mouth to speak. ''Just the looks, luckily.'' He grumbled, leaning against the trunk of the tree as he eyed the other man. A vampire as well. No heartbeat. An easy give-away. Kaz tilted his head a little to the side. ''Have we met?'' A question worth asking. Especially in times like these where you couldn't trust anyone. Maybe this man had ill intentions. After all, it was clear for Kaz now that whoever knew his brother was someone to watch out for.

The last thing he wanted right now was to be compared to his brother. Somehow he had turned out so different than Kaz had expected. Mort had taken such good care of him in their early years together, they had been insperable. It had been his brother who calmed him down, who got him through the worst situations and who helped him control his magic. And now? Now the only thing he seemed to be good at was fucking up so badly Kaz suffered from it. It technically wasn't completely true, the whole ordeal with Lexa had been Kaz his own fault, but it was much easier to blame others than yourself.

This man, this Edmund, he had been the cause for a lot of trouble. But Kaz wasn't sure if he was to blame. After all, it had been Mort who had stupidly decided to not share the location of his sire with that crazy woman. This man probably had no idea what had gone down. Or at least, Kaz hoped. The last thing he expected to hear though, was that Mort spoke highly of his brother who had fallen from grace so many times it wasn't even worth getting back up anymore. Kaz frowned, looking at the man before giving his judgement. ''Thought you'd be taller.'' A very stupid thing to say, but who cared. Kaz for sure didn't. ''Kaz. But you probably already knew that.'' He let his gaze drift off towards the cliff again. Would a vampire feel the pain if they jumped down? Would they even die? Stupid thoughts, wrong thoughts, thoughts that needed to be gone. The vampire let out a deep sigh. ''Mort isn't here, sorry about that.'' Not really. At this moment, Kaz was glad that he didn't have to look into the face of a traitor. Of someone who he wasn't sure if he could ever trust of love again.

It would be hard to impress Kaz at this point. By now he thought he had seen everything and everything inside him was just.. numb. If he would get a punch in the face he would probably still get angry, it was Kaz after all, but what would be the point? It was just another reaction to pain, pain that was feeling just the same as every other time he had experienced it. So why bother? Probably because the pain still reminded him that he was alive, that he could change whatever was going on. But then again, why would he? With every different step he took, two more backwards were made. It wasn't wort it.

Edmund obviously wasn't really a chatty person and Kaz appreciated that. Or, he knew what Kaz had done and was just silently judging him. Which was also fine. The worried tone of the vampire made Kaz question how much this sire of Mort actually cared. Right now it was probably more than Kaz, who shrugged and looked away again. ''Knowing Mort, he's probably knee-deep in problems again.'' Kaz spoke without much care. Gods, how did his brother ended up like this? Was his Sire to blame or couldn't he help it? Or was there more that met the eye? Another sigh as Kaz looked back at Edmund again. ''You're the reason he's still alive to this day.'' The vampire started, hesitantly. ''Thanks, I guess.'' Though Kaz didn't look particulary thankful, the thought of being on this wretched world without any family somehow hurt even more.

He was talking to someone who already knew him while Kaz himself had no idea who was standing in front of him. Thisn knew him from stories, from the endless talks of Mort about him, their adventures. The vampire wondered if Mort talked about the bad stuff as well, the nightmares, the demons, their demise. Would Edmund know what he had done? What he could create and destroy? A shiver went down his spine as he realised he was speaking to someone who had probably already figured him out completely. And that while Kaz was still struggeling with himself and had no idea who he really was and who he wanted to be.

The bad thing about Edmund was that he sounded extremely boring. No chitchat was nice, but the answers he gave him were just.. horrible. Kaz didn't want to hear any of it. Annoyed, he looked down, picking at a thread of his shirt to keep himself distracted from saying anything that he would regret. Kaz the reason why someone wanted to live? Surely this man had fallen on his head on his way to the castle. People didn't want to live because of him, they wanted to get away from him as soon as they figured out what an asshole he was. Kaz halted his movements with the thread of his shirt as he let the words sink in, only then to scoff. ''And look how much of a disappointment I turned out to be.'' He spoke bitterly, looking at the other vampire, pure self-hate showing in his eyes. ''I am not someone worth living for.'' The vampire took a deep breath in. His eyes trailed off again, the sea and the city beneath it. His city. ''And I hope he finally understands that.''

What even was he doing here? It was in the middle of of the day in summer and the sun was about to scorch him if he took one step outisde of the shadows. Why did he even think of going outside? Did he truly have a deathwish? I mean, same. But somehow, he always made the same mistakes over and over again. He truly didn't learn anything. At least now he had an eternity to think about everything that had gone wrong in his life. Everyone he had hurt, pushed away, everyone who died at his hand. He had an eternity to think about how he was better off dead.

Edmund only seemed to agree with him. Kaz just stopped entirely with what he was doing, falling still and letting his eyes drop to his lap. What was he supposed to say? Should he be angry for hearing something that was basically the truth that no one wanted to tell him? Allison told him things would be alrigh in the sofest way possible, Mort tried to pierce through him a different way and though it sometimes worked, it always backfired. But Edmund? Edmund didn't give two fucks. Kaz looked up, examening the older vampire in front of him. ''Can't say you're wrong.'' He spoke simply as he leaned back against the trunk of the tree. ''You should've come sooner.'' Maybe then this whole 'I-am-sad-and-need-attention'-thing wouldn't have happened.

Comparing Edmund to Mort wasn't even possible. How could his sire be so straight forward and hars while his brother acted like he was made out of sugar and could melt at the first water droplet hitting him. You would say that if you lived long enough with someone, you started to act like them, you took over certain traits, but Kaz had yet to see where Edmund showed traits of Mort and the other way around. Because right now, they were both very different people. And Kaz didn't trust it.

The vampire frowned slightly, a little surprised at the calm yet stern demeanor of the older vampire. He was a very different person from not only Mort, but also Allison. She tried to soothe him with warm gestures and calm words, telling him everything would be alright while she even was doubting those words herself. It was a reason why he had sent her away and told her to take care of herself. She couldn't doubt herself and try to fix him at the same time. it would only mean that if one broken mess was healed, the other would break down themselves. It would lead them into a vicous circle that was impossible to break.

''I have eternity now, don't I?'' Kaz asked, although it was meant rethorical. Unless a cure was found soon, he had a long time to wallow in self-pity. ''Where's the best place to start?'' The vampire raised a brow, daring the other to answer. If he truly was as old as Kaz had heard, then he sure would have had his own demons to fight. And one could only learn from the best.

Kaz wondered what the man truly thought of him. He was supposed to be the Grand Duke, a strong leader who was willing to sacrafice if it was for the good of his people and the land. But all Kaz truly was, was a miserable piece of shit who didn't even want to do anything with the throne. Yet, here he was, crowned and ready, though the last part could be discussed. Maybe in a few years he was able to sit on that throne with pride. But not now, now he only saw it as a burden. At least he didn't need to wear a crown on his head all day. He would probably pawn the thing as soon as he could get his hands on it. Everything for a little bit of gold.

Turn misery into motivation. What a joke. What was there to be motivated for? If everything in your life was a misery, then why fight? Why would you look for something that wasn't there? But.. he had a point, how much Kaz hated to give him that. The young vampire looked away again, seeing how the shadows of the castle walls had begun to stretch more, announcing the slow setting of the sun. ''I can see where Mort gets his positive outlook in life from.'' He grumbled sarcastically, plucking at the thread of his shirt again. It was useless sitting here. But then again, he was useless. Eventually, Kaz shrugged. ''Well, what do I have to lose.'' The vampire spoke as he slowly got up with the support of the tree behind him. Sitting down was way more easy than getting up with a leg that was damaged beyond repair.