Over the edge

This time, he was the broken mess finding his way through the hallways of the castle. But he had no one to run to, no one to pick him up and give him hope. The message had been very serious, he wasn’t allowed to talk to Allison. He had to leave and never come back. He didn’t want to insult him by disobeying the last thing he had said to him. Besides, he wasn’t even sure he was capable of speaking about what had happened. Even though he was crying anymore, it was still pretty obvious he was not doing great. His shoulders were hanging low, there was no friendly smile around his lips and his gaze was focused on the floor right in front of him.

There was a chaos in his mind and he did not see any way out of it. There was no solution for it, no way to fix what he had just done. His brother had cast him out of his life and he didn’t know how to fight it. How to change his mind. Because he was not the type of person to actually go against him and start a discussion or a fight. He was easily pushed around. If Kaz would be happier with him gone, then he would comply. No matter how much it hurt him to go.

The sound of footsteps was audible in the distance, but Mort didn’t slow down nor turned around. He knew who was walking behind him. He hoped he would reach the gates before she could catch up with him. Perhaps she hadn’t even noticed him yet, so he just kept going. Of course the thought of talking to her crossed his mind. He would have to tell her he was leaving, though he figured he could send her a letter for that. There was nothing much to explain anyway.

For some reason, his thoughts went to his parents. His biological ones, this time. He couldn’t help but think how much he had disappointed them. He had finally hurt his brother that bad he wanted him out of his life. The promise he had made to himself to forever keep him safe and happy, was broken. There was no forgiveness for what he had done. His mother would be sad about it and his father would have probably been mad. Because how could he? How could he lose his heart to the woman that had almost ended his own brother? There was no logic in his decision, at all. Though the heart was not known to be capable of logical thinking, and he had always relied on it. Perhaps the biggest flaw in his personality, but he was who he was and he did not know how to change it.

The sound of her footsteps pulled him out of his thoughts for long enough to realise this was not what he had expected. Wasn’t she supposed to be sleeping? The last person he wanted to encounter now, was Allison. And it was not because he had something against her personally, but because Kaz had explicitly told him not to talk to her. If he wanted, he could easily dodge her. With his enhanced speed he could be at the gates in mere seconds. But she had obviously already seen him and he didn’t want to be rude. Again, he didn’t really know what to do.

By the time he would have made up his mind, she had caught up with him anyway. Blocking his way out by stopping in front of him. “What happened?” She asked. Of course. Mort avoided her gaze as he dropped his to the floor again. A soft sigh was audible as it escaped from his lungs. ”I f-fucked up”, He replied, a stutter creeping in his voice as he spoke. As much as he wanted to explain, he did not know where to start. So he hoped she would just accept it and ask Kaz what had happened when he was gone.

What a mess today had been. The both of them only had good intentions with Kaz, wanted to help him recover from what he had been through. In return, the man had pushed them away. Inflicted pain on them, for a reason still unknown. Was it revenge? His coping mechanism? Was he truly a different person after all what happened? More questions and no answers. Mort hoped his brother would soon realise they were only trying to support him. He wasn’t quite sure if he would ever express that, though he held on to that thought. That one day he would get a letter again, by him asking to return to the castle. Allowing him back in, so they could make it up once more.

But here he was, already disobeying his orders. He hadn’t counted on Allison walking around. Otherwise he would have jumped out of a window instead of taking the normal route through the hallways. It was too late to ignore her now. Especially when she sighed softly and took him in a gentle embrace. “You didn’t,” She reacted quietly. For just a moment, he gave in and hugged her back. Though he quickly felt bad about it. ”I s-should go”, He said. ”He told me to leave and n-never come back”, He continued, his voice unsteady because of the emotions. He was surprised he could keep it together this much, as he was still able to speak without breaking down completely.

In every other moment, in every other situation, he would have been grateful for Allison’s attempt to make him feel better. But now that Kaz had prohibited him from talking to her, he felt bad because he was already breaking that rule. And it was not her fault, at all. He had no idea how to politely let her know he wasn’t allowed to talk to her right now. Deep down there was also a conflict because he wanted to tell her what had happened. He wanted to hear from her if he was indeed everything Kaz thought he was. If he had truly betrayed his brother by falling in love with Lexa.

Of course she asked for an explanation though. Mort kept back a sigh by biting down on his tongue again. ”I wish I could”, He whispered, a defeated tone sneaking in his voice. ”I-I’m not allowed. He told me to leave and n-not talk to you”, He repeated the words his brother had thrown his way. As if he was more aware of it now, he looked over his shoulder. Half expecting the other vampire to show up with the guards he had threatened to call if he didn’t leave right now.

It now came down to who had the most influence on him. Would he give in to Allison asking for an explanation or Kaz denying him the right to give her one? Right now, the balance was tipping in her advantage. She was the one standing in front of him, after all. But he was still scared his brother would want to make sure he actually obeyed his commands, and was coming after him with a bunch of guards. Allison could tell them to back down, but then she would undermine Kaz’ authority. They had to act like a unit, not give the guards the impression they were not on the same page right now. Word would get out faster than it should, and he wouldn’t want to find out what the consequences to that were. ”Let’s g-go outside first”, He therefore suggested. At least he was out of the castle then, which meant he was partially listening to Kaz’ demands.

Once they were past the front door, there was a path leading to the gates. He walked to the left right away, stepping on the grass as he left the path. It would be too obvious if they were standing there, he guessed. Here, it was less likely someone would eavesdrop on them. He sat down against the outer wall and leaned against it with his shoulders. ”When I first came to Rhoynar, I was struggling real bad with my ehm.. You know”, He said, still not quite sure if he could mention it out loud around her. ”I met a woman who decided to help me. After it was done, we ended up talking for a while. There was.. Chemistry”, He continued, a soft smile tugging at the corner of his mouth when he recalled that night.

”This was before I reconnected with Kaz, I hadn’t found him yet at that time”, He mentioned. It could be important information. ”After she left, I ran into him, pure luck. He left for Valyria and I decided to pay her another visit, because I had some time to kill. We spent more time together and you know.. I started to like her.” A short silence followed. ”I had a deal with Kaz to meet him at his house here in Rhoynar. So I left. On my way there, I mean, you know what happened. I found Kaz bleeding to death, almost.. Murdered by..”, He paused again, lifting his gaze to the night sky. ”By her. The one I had started to fall in love with.”

Mort kept quiet from there on. She could probably piece together what had happened in Kaz’ room now. He had quickly run out of luck, hadn’t he? Finding his brother was the only time he had been truly lucky. A gift from whoever was ruling this world, or whoever was looking out for him. After that, he probably had been abandoned, because there had only been a few good moments in his life. This.. This was not one of them, obviously.

Saying it out loud only emphasized how fucked up the whole situation was. But there was no way he could fix this. He loved his brother. If he had to die for him again, he would without even thinking twice about it. His goal, his sole purpose, was to see the other happy and make sure he lived a life he was satisfied with. But he also loved Lexa. Their connection was strong and it had developed over such a short amount of time. It was pure, beautiful in every way. Even though the both of them had some obstacles to overcome as well, he knew he would try his best, for her. Choosing between the both of them was impossible. If he chose for Kaz’ happiness, he would be unhappy for the rest of eternity. If he chose for himself, he would lose his brother for good.

”I fucked up”, He repeated once more. ”There is no way to turn it back, but also no way to move forward from this”, He sighed deeply, while he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the wall. ”It’s a dead end.” A soft whisper, barely audible. Why did he have to mention it to him? It would have been better to just never tell him at all. It wasn’t as if Lexa would live for much longer. He could have kept it a secret perfectly, for the sake of his relationship with Kaz. Though he would feel bad to be dishonest to him, at least he would have still had a brother. Now.. He did not. And it was the worst feeling he had ever felt. Even more so a feeling that would haunt him for eternity.

“Do you have anywhere to go?” She asked. He sighed, then nodded. He hadn’t figured out where to go but he would once he got his thought straight. And just like that, he had no family left. He had not expected her to take his side. He only wanted her to know what had happened, so she could prepare herself for dealing with Kaz by herself. Even though he wanted to stay and help her out, her husband would never want him anywhere near him ever again. At least, that were his words. And he believed them. The vampire pushed himself up, away from the wall. ”There is one positive outcome to our conversation”, He started, locking his gaze with hers as he forced himself to smile. ”He still loves you. He still cares. He was the first one to bring you up”, He said. Hopefully it would encourage her further, give her the energy she needed to at least fix their marriage. Mort dropped his gaze to the ground again. ”I’m sorry for everything, Allison. Goodbye”, He muttered, after which he disappeared through the gates, into the darkness of the night.