An ember in the ashes

With a stretch and a yawn, Rhysand's body announced that it was done for today. With the winter in full swing the sun set way earlier and it was still hard for him to get used to. The dark, cold nights reminded him of his younger years, where he searched every corner, every nook for a piece of wood or anything other that was flammable, to make sure his sister and him would not freeze to death. Sometimes he had been barefooted, giving up his shoes so that Nesta's feet would be warm. Although some winters had been soft, Rhysand knew the harsher ones far better. He remembered the faithful night a week after his mothers passing. Their father was in the tavern, wasting the last money they had on drinks, while they huddled around a candle, hoping to get a grip of the tiny warmth it gave them. He was surprised he had woken up the next morning and that every limb on his body was still intact. From that night on, he searched the streets for anything that would burn so that they never had to almost freeze to death ever again.
And now? Now he warmed his feet near a fire. He had a roof over his head, food and mead in his belly and it seemed those days of freezing on the streets had been long gone. But Rhysand remembered. And he would never forget. His sword stood near the fireplace, the flames reflecting on the metal. He himself stared into the fire, thinking about his earlier years. For some reason the winter had always had a firm grasp on him when he came around. He noticed himself growing more distant, trying to keep himself busy. Because when he wasn't this would happen. The thoughts, the memories, it flooded his mind, overtaking him. The young man sighed and got up. He needed a drink.

The tavern wasn't far from his home but with this cold, it felt like the route took ages. When he finally entered the building he noticed he had not been the only one who wanted to warm his body with a drink. He found a place somewhere in a corner, not far from the fireplace, but far enough not to be melted by its heat. He smiled and nodded at a few familiar faces and ordered a drink. Sitting down, he played with the mug in his hands, looking around and taking in all the sounds and laughter. He wasn't sure how this drink was going to solve his overthinking problem, but he knew that if he drank enough, he knew that he wouldn't have to worry about it tomorrow.

He knew that after a while, the sounds of the tavern would start to bother him. It would become too noisy, he wouldn't be able to concentrate anymore. But none of that would happen if he just drank. And so he did. He was already halfway when a familiar voice drowned out all the other noise around him. Rhys smiled, leaning a bit forward to fistbump his friend. ''It seems to get more common these days.'' He replied, still smiling. His eyes went to the drink in Tamlins hand and he cocked an eyebrow. ''Though it seems you need it more than me.'' to which he laughed and sipped from his own mug. They had known each other for years, yet for Rhys it always seemed that Tamlin was better one of them. Tamlin had everything while Rhys had nothing. And it bugged him, even more, it irritated him. But he hid it, just like he hid everything else that was to know about his life.
His eyes wandered the crowded room, falling on some familiar faces he rather wished to avoid right now. But the drinks demanded to be drunk and his thoughts demanded to be washed away. So he ignored them, and they ignored him. Simple as that. And now, with Tamlin joining him at the table, this evening could get a little more of a positive outlook and maybe not look like he was trying to hide he was an alcoholic. He would never turn into something his father was. And if he would, he would end it himself.

Alcoholism had always been a rather tense subject for him, but when it was spoken of, Rhysand chose to ignore his feelings and just went with it. Everyone in this city knew someone who liked to drink a little too much, so why would he be such an ass and cry about it. ''Do not worry about me, I know perfectly well how to hold my liquor.'' He grinned. If he just kept reminding himself he would end up like his father, everything would be okay. And he did that, a lot. One could almost say it looked like a weird obsession. Like a dog refusing to get the traits of his master. Rhys leaned back in his chair, playing with his glass and looking at Tamlin instead of the rest of the tavern, which he had been doing the past minute.
''If you want it cleared as soon as possible, why not drink it whole now?'' It sounded like a challenge. And maybe it was. If Tamlin would accept it, Rhysand would gladly join, no one lets a friend drink alone, right? Tamlin's question made him shrug, twirling the glass between his fingers. ''The usual banter and royal problems.'' He didn't mention he almost walked straight into the king the other day, because that would probably be for the best. ''I never really understood all you royal people and your.. royal problems.'' The comment wasn't meant to be harsh, in fact, he said it more in a goofy way, more trying to poke a little fun at Tamlin than actually being rude.

After a days hard work it was nice to wind down like this. Just two friends, enjoying their drinks in a tavern where no one bat an eye at them. Nobody cared that they were actually King's Guard. They were off duty anyway, getting drunk, so why would anyone fear them? It bothered him sometimes. How a rank determined if he was to be looked up to or not. But there was nothing to do about it, he just had to simply wait and sit his turn until an opportunity came around and he could get higher up the ladder.
Rhys grinned at his friends laugh, raising an eyebrow when he was looked at in disbelief. ''By the looks of your face, probably not.'' Rhys answered his friends question. Was it so hard to just down a drink like that? He wouldn't really know since he never really drank any heavy stuff, but by the look of his friend, it didn't seem common to do so. Nonetheless, he laughed, looking surprised at Tamlin when the latter did actually finish his drink in one go. ''Some serious stuff must have happened today for you to actually accept one of my challenges.'' Rhysand now laughed, raising his glass before he too, drank it all away. The warm taste of alcohol was a welcome feeling. A bit harshly Rhys dropped the mug on the table again. His eyes were cocky, daring Tamlin to do it again. ''To Royal Stress!'' Rhysand laughed before turning to a barmaid and ordering two more drinks. If they wanted to forget tonight, there definitely should be more booze involved. After ordering Rhys turned to his friend again. ''What about you? What royal problems have you overheard?'' He smiled, relaxing a little more.

He wondered what Nesta would be doing right now. Would she wonder where he was? He hadn't said anything to her when he left. But he wasn't that kind of person, he just simply left in silence, making sure he wasn't bothering someone else. He always had had that feeling of bothering people, even when it appeared not to be. He could never trust his head, let alone his instincts.But, before he could dwell on those thoughts, the drinks arrived. Rhysand smiled at the girl and grabbed his glass, inspecting it at first as if he could not believe it was an actual, alcoholic drink. But then everything seemed fine and he took a sip, his pale blue eyes meeting Tamlin's. ''You were always very amibtious.'' Rhys said with a sly smile, twirling the glass in his hands.
For a moment, Rhys' face darkened. He never really knew what to think of the king. He highly respected him and as a member of the King's Guard, knew where his loyalties were, but that was it. He had no idea what kind of person Thriumph was. Maybe it was for the best, for now. ''Maybe it's best to avoid that topic for tonight.'' He said with a more serious tone, taking a sip from his drink and avoiding Tamlins question with a shrug. Nothing really had happened. He had patrolled the gardens and because of the cold, there was nothing special. He shifted a bit in his chair before crossing his legs. ''Do you have duty later tomorrow?'' He asked, inspecting his shoes as if they seemed to be very dirty, which they were not and the room was so dimly lit, Rhys wouldn't even be able to see anyway. After, what would probably be too long, looking at the soles of his shoes, he looked at Tamlin again. Rhysands cheeks were a little rosy, perhaps he couldn't hold his liquor as good as he thought he could. But this night was about getting drunk anyway.

Drinking had never been Rhysand's stronger thing. He always seemed to think he could have a drink or five before actually feeling anything, but it came way, way quicker. Sometimes he detested himself for it, thinking he was weak, just like his father. Other times he didn't mind. If he just wanted to relax a little or have a good night's rest, he knew he just could grab a drink or two and there would be nothing to worry about. Still, whenever he sipped his drink, his mind went back to his younger days, to his father, although that image seemed to blur more and more the more he drank. And so he kept drinking.  
It felt like it was hard to pick a subject to talk about tonight. Strange, since it was known to many that when you drank, you would talk more. Yet, Rhysand couldn't find anything he really wanted to say. He nodded at Tamlin's words and took a rather large gulp of his drink. For it to almost immediately spit it out again. He leaned forward, coughing a bit and trying to get himself under control again. ''Next time, warn me.'' he said, still a bit shocked about his own reaction. His cheeks flushed red when Tamlin asked about his shoes. He scratched himself behind his ear before he, relucantly, answered. ''There isn't really... anyone I can think of to love. Besides Nesta. But that's just family.'' He smiled, taking a sip so he wouldn't have to look at Tamlin. ''Although, I saw quite a fair maiden the other day, walking around the streets.'' He then lied before giving Tamlin a soft kick against his boot. ''What about you, hm? I bet there would be a line to pet you.'' Rhys said, smirking before leaning back again, hoping his rosy cheeks were just from the alcohol.

Maybe next time he shouldn't focus so much on the fact that his father was an alcoholic and that he had to watch out with his own liquor. Maybe he just should enjoy it. That would be a hard thing for him to do, because since when did Rhysand LaFae enjoy things? When wasn't he that cold, distant person or the nice guy who hid all his problems and issues behind lies and fake smiles? When he was alone for sure, but even then he was scared someone would notice, someone would know. He never really felt safe, but that was partly because of what turmoiled inside him. His magic which he couldn't let out whenever he wanted. He always had to walk on his toes and be careful. Even Nesta didn't know.
Even though Tamlin's question came out of nowhere and he wasn't prepared, he grinned. ''Just like challenges?'' He said with a raised eyebrow, pushing his now empty mug away from him. Tamlin had already ordered more drinks, so he better kept on drinking then. A little worried he glanced at his friend, noticing the light tone in his voice and shaking his head sheepishly. Twisting his thumbs, he looked at the halflings joining the tavern and enlighting them with their music. Rhysand shrugged again. He appeared to be good at that. ''It was near the market, she had her hands full and I would've helped if I wasn't on patrol.'' He continued his lie, hoping Tamlin would fall for it. They were halfway drunk anyway. ''I don't know man, it's hard to focus on those things when I feel like I'm married to my work.'' He joked, thinking Tamlin would probably understand and, hopefully, talk about another subject. Probably not, but it was worth a try.

While drinking his mind always went adrift. It was harder to concentrate on the now and what was actually happening. So, his mind did wander off, to the market place where he had met this so called women he had supposedly met. What if this wasn't just a figment of his imagination? Sure, there were plenty of days that he walked around and felt an attraction to a certain someone, but he never made the step. He never said hi, stroke up a conversation or tried getting to know her or him. Something held him back, it had always been like that. Rhys didn't have many friends, but he was loyal to the ones he had. Until a better oppertunity came by and he dropped all his morals to grab it with both hands. But nobody knew that about him. Yet. From the marketplace he wandered to Tamlin, the golden haired man who seemed to have everything Rhysand desired. What would Lucien think of him? They never really met, only ocasionally said hi to each other. Rhysand bit his lip, trying to concentrate again on the now.
Tamlin seemed to look at him, a certain look in his eyes. Shit. What were they talking about again? Love? That was it right? Rhys frowned. It was obvious that he had missed something. ''..Huh.. what?'' He managed to say, trying to figure out what this whole conversation was about again. Oh by the gods, what if this made him look stupid or dumb? He should stop drinking. But he knew very well he wouldn't tonight. He was already half way, no way he could go back. ''If you like challenges so much,'' he came back on a subject they were talking about earlier, ''then I challenge you to see who drinks their whiskey the fastest.'' he finished saying just as their drinks arrived. Rhysand looked at him, cocky, handing him his glass. ''Well, what do you say?'' he grinned.