Love is pain

She should not expect today to go well. The blonde had been invited to join Kaz his brother so she could be introduced to the damn Monster of a brother he had. Kaz was very well aware of Allison’s feelings towards vampires, but she had told him that she would be there for him. For once in their life, everything was supposed to be easy. She was going to swallow all her comments and sit there with a smile on her face as she tried to not show the disgust she felt. She would do her best to support the man. He could use it. Even more than she knew.

She had not expected to see a man other than Kaz standing in front of the door as she arrived. She didn’t need to look a second time. This had to be his brother. The blonde bit her lip and walked up to him. At about a meter of distance, she stood still and closed her eyes. Deep breath in, let’s not kill anyone today. Deep breath out, let’s do this. She opened her eyes, forcing a smile on her face. The guy didn’t look too amused, but then again. That might run in the family. Still, she decided to let him speak up first.

---

‘I’m sorry, I can’t let you inside.’

Deep breath in, don’t stab him. Deep breath out, it won’t kill him anyhow. The blonde opened her eyes again after regaining her calmth, putting the smile back on her face. She did not even try to make it seem less forced. The man seemed out of it and she was not going to let him keep her outside of this house because brothers Grump had had a fight, or whatever the hell it could be that had gone on around here.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” The smile stayed on her face as she asked the less than polite question. “I think you and I are going to have a little problem if you don’t tell me what your deal is. Right now,” she then said. Was this the brother he had spoken of? The guy that was supposedly a lot happier than Kaz was? Because, she knew that was not hard to be, but this guy was already asking for a stab in the neck and he had only spoken one full sentence. It couldn’t get much worse from here, at least.

---

The monster seemed to be having an internal struggle, a fight within. Allison pulled a hand through her hair, her usual nervous tick, as she waited for him to speak up. She seemed to freeze when he mentioned that she was aware of what he was. Not who. What. A vampire, a monster. He was what she had hunted her entire life. He was… He was the brother of the man she loved.

‘He’s one too now.’ The words started to repeat in her head and she shook her head. No, no… That was not possible… She clenched her teeth together, her eyes filled with fury as she looked up at the vampire. “You…” was all she spoke, slowly setting another step towards him, closing the distance between them. “What the fuck have you done to him?” She sounded like she was about to rip his heart out and it wasn’t far from the truth.

---

There were very few things in life that were certain. You grew up thinking the world was pretty black and white, but as you progressed through life, you learned that everything had a grey area. People weren’t good, but people weren’t bad either. One thing could mean something to you, but hold a different value to someone else. Nothing in life was completely static, was… actually set in stone. The one thing in life that was certain, was that death was what followed. You had a certain amount of years, an amount unknown to you, in which you tried to make the most of your life. You tried to live your life to the fullest. For one this meant living a life as easy as possible, while another tried to accomplish certain goals. No matter what, eventually it did not matter. You would die and there would be nothing left. You would be alone and all your hopes and dreams would be gone with you. All that remains, is but a memory.

When this one certainty in life got taken away, what was left of your humanity? If death was no longer an obstacle, what would you do with your life? Only a vampire could truly answer these questions, being the ones who cheated death. The only ones in existence that ignored the one rule that God had handed you at birth, exchanging it for a new one, given by the devil. You’ll live an immortal life in exchange for bloodlust. Immortality came at a price and it was the life of other people. To survive, they needed to take their energy from living people. They were a pest, a parasite. They held no value in the world and would not be missed.

She had always watched this from afar. Read the stories, heard the tales. About vampires, about those who had accepted the terms of the devil. Never would she have thought that someone close to her would do the same. And even worse, the decision had not been his. It was made for him, as the vampire in front of her made clear. He had decided that Kaz could not live the way that a normal person lived, had taken away his only rule of life, exchanged it for a contract with the devil. It was disgusting. It was unfair in any way possible and nothing had given this man the right to do what he had done. Kaz should have died that day and that should have been it. That should have been the end of it all.

How long had it been since he had told her? Minutes? It felt like hours at this point. Slowly, she moved her finger to the corner of her eye, stared at the tears that were now on the tip of her finger. Her brown eyes moved to Mort, the monster who had made this decision. The one who ruined it all, the one who…

The blonde stepped forward and pressed her forehead in his chest. Softly, as the tears started to run down her cheeks. “Thank you,” she spoke. Her voice sounded as if she hadn’t spoken in weeks. She didn’t know why she didn’t punch him in the face, why the anger had turned into fear. The fear of losing the one person she truly loved.

---

Kaz should have been dead. The thought of losing him ripped her apart. Never would she have thought to actually care about anyone, let alone someone like the thief himself. Someone who kept putting himself in danger, someone who should have died a hundred deaths before today. But, it seemed like his luck had finally ended. Finally there had been no one to save him. Finally it had caught up to him and everything would have… ended.

She would have been ripped apart. She lost the one man in her life that had given her security, the one that had cared for her. He was a monster, way worse than Kaz could ever be. She still felt his hands on her bare skin everytime she closed her eyes, felt his gaze over her shoulder as she walked alone. The one person who had pulled her through all of that, had died. He could have been gone, but the devil had offered him a deal. The deal was signed for him and the decision had been made. He would live.

‘Why?’ the brother asked and Allison bit her lip. “You’re a monster,” she whispered. “That decision is not yours to make,” she went on. If she hadn’t whispered, she was sure her voice would have cracked. She slowly pushed herself off the vampire, cleaning the tears off her face. “But I…” She bit her lip, almost started crying again.

“I love him.”

---

“But don’t get me wrong.” Her voice had found its strength again, though somewhere the pain was still clear. This rough edge on her voice that would not vanish anytime soon, yet did not take away the strength that she had suddenly picked up. As if something had changed. As if she finally went back to being herself again now that she had admitted how she felt. That she would love him. Even if he was everything she hated, he was still Kaz.

“You’re an awful person for making the decision you made.” Again, that strict voice. She cleaned the tears off her face and shook her head, stepping towards him and pushing her index finger in his shirt. “And you are going to fix this. You’re going to help him through it where I can’t,” she spoke. “I’m going to rip your fucking heart out if you don’t,” she went on, hearing the slight crack in her own voice again as she spoke. This man was responsible for the pain Kaz was going through right now, so he had to fix it. She didn’t care if it would take him twenty four hours a day for the next few weeks. He was going to live with the consequences of his actions.

---

The words he spoke made her angry and she placed her fist on his chest, in an effort to not slap him in the face. “And you’re letting that stop you?” she hissed. “You made a decision for him and you better live with the consequences of it. He can hate you all he wants, but he will need you and you will be there or I will come get you myself.” What would a girl like her be able to do against a vampire? Well, she wasn’t alone. She was not aware how much Kaz had told him, but she had a way of making sure she got what she wanted. If it was his head on a plate, she would work for it.

“And now you’re going to step aside,” she spoke, taking a step backwards to give the man the space he needed. “And you’re going to tell me what I am going to find inside. How I deal with it,” she went on. She was aware of the risk. She had an idea of what it was that she was going to find. It was not going to stop her from going in. He could get mad at her and tell her that he did not want any of it, but… she had made a promise. And she was not going to break it today.

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