It had taken him long to process all of it. As soon as the both of them had left his room he had turned his back to the door. The anger still flowed through his veins as he picked up the empty glass he had been drinking from in what seemed moments ago. The urge to smash it against the wall was high, Kaz gripped it tightly, stared at the wall as if it had suddenly offended him very badly and then.. put the glass down again.

Kaz felt empty, but this was a different kind of empty than the one he had been experiencing the last weeks. No, this almost felt relieving, like the anvil that weighted on his chest was gone. One last deep breath out and he closed his eyes. He could see what Mort meant, he could understand, but he had been too stupid and too stubborn to believe it. And it all had led to this confrontation, one that hadn't even happened if he just had listened instead of shutting down.

Carefully, Kaz picked up the book, he could still feel the place where it had hit him in the face, and brushed a page back to it's original flat state. He hated himself. He hated himself more than he could hate anyone around him. He hated Mort, he should hate him, but all Kaz felt was a newfound respect for his brother. The vampire closed the book. How stupid he had been. How sorry he felt.

Silently he had made his way downstairs, carrying the book close to his side. If he could curse himself even more than he already was, he would do it. For a moment Kaz stood in the doorframe that lead into the living room. He saw her sitting there and immediately he felt a sting in his chest. How could he? '...Hey.'' He meant to say, but his voice cracked after the first letter. No, he had to stay strong, he had to show that this hadn't gotten to him. But the more he tried to tell himself that, the harder it got.

He stayed where he stood, fumbeling with one of the edges of the book which had bent a little after the fall on the ground. Allison must have been very angry if she were to throw a book at him. That just showed how long this had been going on, how much negativity had spread. It felt like Kaz carried a poison with him that seemed to affect everyone around him. And instead of looking for an antidote, he sought ways to make it worse. And it had gotten to a point that the people around him we're about to do anything to look for an antidote. Be it a more permanent one or not.

He dared to take a step closer, into the living room. The sun had almost vanished behind the trees, a sign that night would soon close in. ''I.. got your book.'' He continued, trying to sound as depressed as he head just now, but it only seemed that it had gotten worse. He felt the lump in his throat and cursed himself again. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what to say and he didn't know what to think. A simple 'sorry' would not be enough, nothing seemed to be enough to fix the damaged that he had caused.

Her answers seemed.. blant, exhausted. Kaz was too worried to concentrate on her hearbeat but it wouldn't take a genius to guess that she was probably tired and done at this point. And Kaz finally seemed to understand that, he finally seemed to see that he had caused it. Hate flowed back through his veins and made him grab the book a little tigheter, but it wasn't her for Allison, it was hate for himself.

He dared to take a few steps closer, but stopped when he was near th coffee table and a few steps away from Allison. Her smell, it was so much stronger now. It cooled down the heat he felt flowing through him. ''Actually.. I'm here to say sorry.'' He whispers was he bend down to put the book on the table, making sure that no damaged page was about to be damaged again. He focused on the blonde again and let out a heavy sigh. ''I'm sorry, Allison.'' It was there that he truly seemed to crack, that that weird barrier that had been around him for the past weeks, that kept him from experiencing anything at all, suddenly was gone.He could fight the tears now, but he knew it wouldn't take long for them to start flowing.

He didn't expect her to forgive him this quickly, he knew it took more than just a simple sorry, but he didn't know what exactly would get them to reconcile. After all, Kaz had no idea how to handle these situations, how to handle his emotions. And now that he had become a vampire, it all felt so much stronger. So when he heard Allison's voice, the way she told him she couldn't fight anymore, he just broke.

''You don't have to.'' He spoke while he shook his head. His voice was thick with the tears he tried to hold back, but it got harder every second. ''I realize I shouldn't have acted the way I did, I shouldn't have shunned you away like that. I..'' He couldn't stop it anymore and he felt how the tears filled his eyes and watered his vision. He was exhausted, he wanted this all to end. Kaz felt his knees buckle and didn't do anything to stop himself from falling. He stared at the ground when his knees hit the floor. ''Forgive me, Allison.'' He whispered as he dared to look up, dared to look at her. ''I beg of you.''

He wasn't the only one crying now. Not that it made him feel better. No, it only made him feel worse. Seeing Allison in tears reminded him of the things he had done, of hwat he had become. He had almost thrown everything away, every last thread of hope was about to be burned, but somehow, some way, he had realized how wrong he was and how much he needed her.

The touch made him shiver, but Kaz didn't pull back. He only seemed to shrink under her touch. Not out of fear, but because he was afraid that this touch would be their last one, that this was their goodbye. His apology would be too late and Allison would tell him that his time was up, that she would move on. But those words didn't come out. Instead she promised him to forgive him. Always. And then the tears just started flowing like there was no way back. Kaz just let himself fall a little more to the ground, his eyes glued to the floor. ''This shouldn't have happened, this whole mess.. I created..'' He managed to say through the tears, not even trying to wipe them off his face. ''I.. you.. you shouldn't try to fix it..'' This was his to clean up, his responsibility. But the hopelessness started to kick in again and Kaz felt how that void inside him tried to suck up every emotion again. But he couldn't let that happen again.

Her words got to him but he didn't want to believe them. His mind was going in overdrive and everything seemed too much. She couldn't be there for him forever, she would eventually die and he would live on with only the memories together and the guilt that he had caused her demise. Because thats how it felt for him. She was doing things she shouldn't be doing and deep down, Kaz was worried. He wanted to stop her, tell her that it would all be for nothing, but those words couldn't get over his lips. All he could do was cry.

She wrapped her arms around him and he felt her skin against his. The warmth was a welcoming difference. His mind picked up on it, told him what Allison was, what he could do to her, but he pushed the thoughts out. Instead, he let himself lean against her, his head resting on her chest. ''This wasn't meant to happen..'' He continued to talk throughout the crying, though it was a bit hard to understand. ''It shouldn't have happened..'' He tried to wipe away the tears from his eyes, but new ones quickly filled the empty space. ''I'm so sorry.'' He whispered, shaking his head as far as he could in this position.

Kaz had the feeling he had never been thid distressed. Was it because of his enhanced senses or was this because he had been hiding them for the past weeks? Maybe he was just overreacting, how bad could it have been? Bad enough for Allison to throw a book in his face and Mort to become angry with him. So that was indeed pretty bad.

He refrained from saying anything and just leaned against Allison, sobbing, trying to control himself. But he had been controlling himself for the past few weeks, and it had felt more like a dictatorship than actual living and everything seemed to suddenly pour out of him. He shook his head, wanted to tell her how sorry he was, how she shouldn't care anymore because he would fuck up anyway. But he didn't. Instead, he listened to her heartbeat, beating in a rythm in her chest. It made him calm in a way, but it didn't stop the tears from flowing. All he wanted to tell her was how sorry he was, but he couldn't form any words. All he could was think how miserable everything was and how there seemed nothing to fix that.

He bit his lip and tasted the blood as his fangs pierced through the flesh. But the pain was welcome, the blood.. not so much. But Kaz was too concentrated on trying to keep his shit togheter, which was failing misereably by the way, that he did not even taste it.

''I'm sorry.'' He whispered again, furiously trying to wip the tears away. Her hand in his air felt like a magical touch and he could feel how his muscles tensed up but then relaxed a little more. ''Everything is such a mess.''' He continued, a little more hearable this time now that the waterfall of tears had been reduced to a small stream. It all felt like he didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve her.