Kaz let his muscles relax and let himself listen to Allison's breathing, the steadiness of her heartbeat. The familiar sounds and her familiar smell made this all a little more comfortable. It gave him the reassurance of safety. With his mind a little more calm, the thoughts started to creep in. How he had been towards Mort, how not only he had shunned Allison away but his brother as well. His brother who tried so hard to help him adjust, who made sure he got fed every day. If it weren't for him, Kaz would have been starving by now.

He shook his head again, tried to push those thoughts out. He would apologize to Mort, he had to. He couldn't just be nice to Allison and still shut his brother out. No, not after everything that had happened. The image of him punching his brother flashed before his eyes and almost made him curl up. What an asshole he had been. ''I'm so sorry for everything. For shutting you out.. for.. for Mort.'' He whispered as he stared at the floor. Gods, how could he have been such an asshole.

Everything was confusing him. From Allison to his own feelings to the way he wanted things to be. And it was not this, not at all. Kaz bit his lip again and wiped off the blood with his hand. The smell, no the stench of his own blood reeked and he wanted it to be gone. Just as he wanted all of this gone.

''Would he? I mean.. I punched him pretty hard..'' He managed to let out a very soft chuckle, something that meant that he was trying to get himself back together again and not crawl into that hole again. But it was hard. It was much better to not feel anything at all than lay on the floor, broken and in tears. But he knew that he couldn't go back, this was his body's way of telling him something had to change.

“All we wanted was just to have you back,” Those words echoed in his mind. Allison spoke truth. He had been around here for the entire time, behaving like some sort of zombie on automatic pilot, but had he truly been here? His hand found a strain of her hair and he let it wrap round his finger before eventually letting it go. Was he back now? Was this how it felt before everything had gone to shit?

''What if it happens again? What if I shut you out again?'' He dared to ask with a hoarse voice. He didn't want to think of it, but his mind worked in negative ways and for him it just was normal to think about anything doom related. After all, hadn't he doomed himself from the start? The first time he had summoned those demons, it was the first step on the wrong path. And this is where he had ended up. As a broken mess, ready to throw himself in front of a bus if the oppertunity got to him.

On his turn, Kaz sighed as well. ''Have you ever heard me being positive?'' He tried to joke, although his vice still sounded horribly miserable. Ending this all would be a great idea, but something permanent like death was probably not something Allison would agree with him on. He pressed his lips together and kept staring at the floor. The warmth of her skin with the coldness of his was a stark contrast, another divider between them and which made them see how different they were from each other. But that didn't make them stop from trying.

Eventually, Kaz took a deep breath and nodded slowly. He got loose from Allisons embrace and rubbed his eyes. All of this felt like a wave of exhaustion crashing over him. He knew that vampires didn't exactly need sleep, but this.. this felt like he was human once again. A foolish thought, but one he would embrace gladly. ''Sorry.'' He mumbled again, a soft and sheepish smile on his lips while tried to look at Allison. His face probably said something completely different than his words had, but for once in a very long time, he felt relieved.

All Kaz wanted to do right now, was laying down somewhere and just close his eyes. He wanted things to pass by that didn't matter like they normally did. He remembered the days where they just stayed in, laying in bed, watching each other and making stupid jokes. He had hated those days, simply because they didn't do anything. But now, looking back, he longed for them. Kaz looked away from Allison for a moment, seeing how dusk was setteling in outside. It felt like they already had been here for hours.

When Allison spoke again, he turned his attention towards her. He smiled faintly and went through his hair. He missed her fingers running through it, missed the calm it gave him. ''But you're my mess.'' He spoke with a small grin. Really Kaz? We're you going to get this cheesy? Maybe that void was better than this after all.

He had worn them both down, he could see that now. He had sucked all the life out of them and used it for what? Not for his own gain, no, he had simply just thrown it away like it was nothing. And he felt bad for it. Kaz stared at his hands, as if they had been the cause of all of this. But all this time, if he just hadn't shut down, this all would not have happened.

Her words on sleep made him look up again. He knew what she meant. Kaz nodded and wanted to get up, but stayed a litle longero n the ground. ''I understand. I'll leave you alone then.'' He spoke, thinking that Allison probably needed time to process all this and probably didn't want him near her when she would close her eyes. Maybe he could reconcile with Mort in the meantime, maybe he could fix all of this.

In the silence that followed, Kaz had gotten up. Everything seemed to go so easy now that his leg had healed, now that he didn't have to wrry about a flight of stairs anymore. It was relieving, but somewhere it felt like a part of him was missing. He had lived with the handicap almost all his life and suddenly it was gone.

Kaz froze when he was about to walk away, to leave Allison to rest. He turned his head so he could watch her and frowned. Was she truly saying this? ''Do you want me to stay?'' He asked, a bit worried. He had no idea what the night would bring, what it would be in the morning. It made him scared.