When he had been bleeding out on the streets he hadn't begged, he hadn't begged when Slade had tried to save his life. He hadn't begged for Mort to save him when the mountain Lion had torn open his neck way beyond repair. And he sure as hell wouldn't beg now. There was still some fire left in him and though it was dying, it was still there.

It was like the water had a quicker effect than the last time, already starting to burn his tongue as soon as he came into contact with it. He wanted to spit it out, only resulting in his lips getting burned as well as the liquid finally slit down his throat, opening the small blisters that had finally felt like they were healing. This was hopeless. But damn his pride for not making him beg. So when she asked him again, he managed to scrape together some courage as he directly looked her in the eye. ''No.''

He had been here before, he had been in this position countless of times. Down at the bottom, nothing to live for and yet, he did. And for what? What exactly kept him driven to continue? His greed and lust for power and money had been quenched as soon as he had tied the knot with Allison. Emotional relationships broke as soon as they were made and while that was a lot different now with Allison, he deep down still believed that her love for him wasn’t real. Who could love someone like him?

So what was it? What kept him on his feet even after all those hardships, even after being stabbed, burned and tortured? Simply because he wanted to prove people wrong. If someone said he wouldn’t make it, damn right would Kaz show him the complete opposite of his statement. A headache started to pop up, making thinking in this situation even more difficult. Kaz didn’t even have the energy anymore to hide his fangs and the sharp teeth bore into his burned lips, inflicting only more pain. ‘’Fuck you.’’ Not the smartest answer, but what else could you expect from him at this point?

His words didn’t inflict any damage on himself, she didn’t punish him for what he had said. She simply got up and left. Just like that. Kaz was surrounded by nothing but darkness and the soft whimpering of the girl behind him. While her wound had stopped bleeding, the smell of the blood was still there. He hadn’t fed for two days now and the urge to do something about that rose with every second passing. But whatever he did, the shackles were there and he was too weak to even shift himself into a better position.

His voice had sounded raspy, soft and had almost been unhearable, the silver had damaged his throat to a point Kaz was scared that he no longer would ever be able to talk normally again. The girl had been wise enough not to ask any more questions, knowing that he probably wouldn’t answer anyway. But with this darkness around him, without any natural light guiding him and him passing out two times now, it was hard to come up with a way of knowing how much time had passed. ‘’What day is it?’’ He spoke whispering, somewhere scared that the woman would hear him and come back down again. The girl didn’t answer immediately. ‘’I don’t know.’’ God, she truly was useless. The vampire closed his eyes, not that his surroundings changed with that. ‘’Maybe a day or two?’’ Kaz’ eyes shot back open again. Two days. Two days of torture while it felt that a much longer time had passed. ‘’When is the next full moon?’’ He barely could push the words over his lips. ‘’Weeks from now.’’ The girl sounded just as defeated as he felt.

He had to endure this for weeks and already he was so close to giving up. What had become of him? What had made him this weak? What had he done that had shifted his mindset so he could think of getting down on his knees and plead for mercy? He had grown soft and vulnerable. And someone had used that as their advantage. When this would be over, he could look no one in the eye anymore. He would just be a thief again. A thief wielding broken promises. He had promised Allison he wouldn’t leave anymore, that he would bet here for her for better or worse. He was hers as she was his. He had promised Mort that he would better his life. He had..

Zanna. He had promised Zanna he wouldn’t lose her again and that he would take care of her. Breaking that promise, knowing that when he got out of this place he wouldn’t be able to do that, it felt like it tipped him over the edge. While the vampire closed his eyes, he could feel the warmth of the tears trailing over his skin. The child would be all alone again, wondering where he was, wondering why he again had abandoned her while he had made it so clear he would never do it again. The woman was right. He was pathetic, he was a disappointment and he didn’t deserve anyone.Not Allison, not Mort and definitely not Zanna.

The girl was silent and so was he. Kaz rested his head against the back of the chair, trying to stop himself from thinking these horrible things. But he was simply too tired to stop himself, the pain had done enough damage on him already, the thought were just finishing it off. Nobody. Disappointment. Pathetic. Unloved. The words were repeated over and over in his head again until he somehow had tired himself so much of it, he passed out again.

There was no sense of time anymore. Someone could tell him he had been sleeping for days and he would believe it. When the woman entered the room again it was as if his body immediately kicked to his defenses, waking him up almost instantly with a shock. It took a moment to get used to the darkness, but once he was he could clearly see her sit down. Was she here to talk? But then he eyed the object in her hand. She was absolutely not here to talk.

A little frantic, Kaz tried to move away from the woman, but still being stuck in this chair didn’t really help. She confirmed that it would take weeks from now for the moon to be full and that they only were on day three. These were just plain facts and yet they seemed to have a huge impact on the vampire. How was he going to last for two weeks? Moreover, would he even survive this day? He couldn’t let his eyes go off the wooden object in her hand. And here he was thinking he had been through the worst. Apparently she had saved the best for last.

This woman had lost her humanity a long time ago. Where Kaz was still struggling with it, this woman simply didn’t care anymore and had accepted what she had become. Kaz on the other hand wasn’t ready to give that up yet. Allison had promised a cure. But would she still, now that he had abandoned her once again? It wouldn’t surprise him if she lost faith in him. He would have too.

Somehow this woman had come in contact with Mort and for a moment Kaz feared his brother was in a similar situation. Her words were convincing enough for him to believe them. Mort probably had finally seen how useless of a brother he was and that their bond would never be fully repaired. Kaz would have done the same. What wasn’t saveable, you didn’t save. It was a simple as that. The vampire locked eyes with the woman sitting across of him, his eyes clearly showing signs of defeat. If she wanted him to beg for his life now, he still wouldn’t do it.

After all, what was there to beg for if there no longer was something to live for.

Would he ever get over all of this? Would he forgive himself for what had happened here and for what he believed in? Maybe some time, hundreds of years later if he was still alive and all his loved ones had died around him. When the world was a desolate place and he truly saw nothing else to live for. Maybe then he would admit he had made mistakes. Too many to count, too many to forgive.

Rules. Goddamn rules of a game he didn’t want to participate in and which even were unfair as to give the woman the advantage in everything. He still had a choice, he could still ask her to stop all this, he could plead, he could beg. But he didn’t. Another mistake as the stake was pierced right through his leg. While the pain flooded his senses and he screamed at the top of his lungs, memories started to resurface. Bringing him back to the time that he wasn’t able to walk on his own, that he had to learn how to walk even. His cane, the raven skull giving him the support when he needed it. It had been useless since the moment he had turned to vampirism and his leg had healed. But now, now all that was gone.

It felt like the actual Kaz came back again. The broken yet bitter thief who had nothing to live for and was driven by his greed. The one that lived from day to day, celebrating each night that he still wasn’t dead.

Oh and how he wished he was dead now.

With every movement, with every twist, he whimpered. When the woman twisted the stake in his leg he screamed again, finally letting the tears flow. His nails dug into his skin, the dried up ink cracking on his hand. He could smell his own blood as it dripped from his palms and onto the chair. He could say he was strong all he wanted, he could try to believe it and yet he would call himself a liar. He wasn’t strong. He was nothing. He was nobody.

As if the stake wasn’t enough, the woman had decided that the dagger had been in his stomach for long enough. Another scream when she pulled it out, an even louder one when she dug it into his left leg. His shoulders jolted with every tear. Collecting himself was of no use anymore. Two weeks and then he had to hope he was still alive by then. The words were on his tongue, but the blisters made it unbearable to speak. Instead, he had to listen to what the woman offered to the girl. He could feel himself get dizzy as the blood from the wound in his stomach started to seep and his leg started to pound. He wanted to say it. And now he couldn’t.