Why we lose

The hand on top of hers, placed a frown on the woman’s face. It was rare for anyone to be this close to her. She had held her social contacts strictly business and the only one in recent years who had gotten past that, was Romeo. Who she had shared a drink with last night and actually learned to put some trust in. He had shown her that it was okay to enjoy her time. Okay to laugh, to live rather than to survive. And now there was this guy. This… vampire who she had just met. A part of her wanted to instinctively pull back her hand, but instead she just sat there. Quietly. Staring.

The words of the vampire came through. He told her about his own goals, about how he had lost someone dear to him and how he wanted to find them again. He went on about how their deaths wouldn’t be needless and Lexa closed her eyes, fought against the visuals that tortured her. When she opened her eyes again, she looked at him again. “You are right,” she gave him. She sighed, looked at his hand again. As if she couldn’t believe the support was actually there. For once. For once she was supported, rather than her people. It was as if she had forgotten that she was an actual human being until she left Vanaheim. “But sadly, that does not make it any easier.” She would do it. She would go through it and give the people what they wanted. And from there, all she could do was hope that the boy or girl that would end up being Commander, would follow her lead.

The soft squeeze in her hand caused the Commander to bite her lip. Strange. It actually felt reassuring. Her gaze found its way to his eyes again as he spoke. His words made sense, had been what she had been looking for. She nodded, unsure what to say at this moment. She had talked a lot today, har poured her heart on the table for this… this stranger. It had not been the plan and it probably shouldn’t have happened either. Her eyes were fixed on her hand again, which was now simply placed on the table. It was strange how it had actually felt comforting, even if short.

“You are a good man,” the Commander spoke, before looking at him again. A slight frown appeared on her face as she seemed to almost inspect him. “I don’t think I have ever shared that story in full before,” she murmured, more to herself than to him. She picked up the glass again and finished the water, before putting it down on the table again and tapping her fingers against it. She was left without words after speaking so much tonight. It made her slightly uncomfortable, yet another feeling she was not used to.

He was raised well. That was his reason. Lexa chuckled, shaking her head as she took these words in. No one became a good person just by being raised well. “You’re good, Mort. Take the compliment,” she smiled. She honestly believed that the man in front of her was a good person. No one was truly good, of course. They all had their quirks and negative traits. But, his heart was clearly there. He had shown her that he was worth the trust and she would not forget that.

When he asked her if she wanted to get out of here, she raised a brow. That was… quite sudden. “Sounds good to me,” she decided to answer after thinking it through for a quick second. She had a few until she’d have to go again, so she could spend that time with him if he could actually manage to take her mind off of things. She took his glass, drank the water that was in there and took out a few coins to put on the table, next to the glasses. That should be more than enough. She stood up and raised her brows at the young vampire. “After you.”

There were many things she could have expected. A walk across the water, an actually enjoyable bar, his home, whatever it could be. But, this definitely wasn’t what she had expected. He had brought her to a garden. It was absolutely stunning. So different from what you’d see in Vanaheim, where purpose overruled looks. She accepted his help, but managed to get up on the wall as smoothly as you’d expect. She followed his lead and jumped down on the other side, until he sat down next to the water.

‘Now we wait,’ the vampire spoke. Lexa sat down next to him, raised a brow. He had whispered, which would have made her suspicious if it had been anyone but him. Luckily for her, Mort had nothing suspicious about him, so she just wondered what it was that they were waiting for. “So this is where you go at night?” she whispered to him, needing to put in some effort to not chuckle. There they sat. The Commander and the Vampire. In a damned garden. It sounded like the start of a bad joke.

“You actually don’t sleep?” The woman frowned. That seemed like… She’d hate it. Sleep was not just physical. It helped to end the day, start a new one. Get rid of the bad thoughts of the day and start the next fresh and awakened. She couldn’t imagine living without it. She leaned a bit closer as well so she could hear his answer without being loud and alarming whatever it was they were waiting for.

And there it was. Absolutely not what she expected. Her upper arm got grabbed and the vampire nodded at… a duck. Instead of looking at the duck, the Commander had her eyes laid upon the Vampire. He seemed to melt and sighed how fucking adorable they were. Her arm was released and she held her hand in front of her mouth, struggling not to laugh. “I swear to God you might be the most adorable vampire I’ll meet,” she laughed, trying to be silent to not alarm the duck. For the love of the Mother. She ended up sitting in a garden with a vampire who liked to look at ducks.

He could sleep if he wanted to. Okay, that was better. “I think I’d die if I wouldn’t be able to close my days with some well deserved rest,” she told him. Joke unintended. She needed her sleep more mentally than that she physically needed it, so she was sure that if she was a vampire (which would clearly never happen) she’d still sleep every night. Or at least as often as life (or the lack thereof) would allow her to.

Mort seemed surprised at her amusement, but Lexa couldn’t really help it. The confusion in his eyes just made things better and she had to keep her hand in front of her mouth to not scare away the poor ducks with her laughter. “I don’t know if I am the crazy one here,” she managed to speak in between laughter. “Meet a vampire and he takes you to watch damn ducks. I swear my life is a joke,” she spoke after, though the amused smile didn’t disappear. No… It was good. She was enjoying herself. The Conclave and all the problems around it seemed so far away now.

The big, bad Commander had startled the poor ducks, frightened them. She had seemed like a complete monster to these defenceless creatures, who quickly rushed to their guardian (their mother), before she lured them to a safer place, away from this laughing maniac. Who, by the way, had to really keep it quiet. The vampire crossed his arms and told her she should be grateful, but he too started to laugh. When she had managed to get back her senses, she shook her head and leaned back a little.

“You truly are a strange one, aren’t you?” she asked him, raising a brow. “I don’t think anyone has ever taken me to see some ducklings, I am sorry.” She chuckled and nodded towards the ducklings, who seemed to be keeping their distance now. Smart creatures after all. “And I chased them away,” she sighed dramatically. Now what were they going to stare at?

How dare she. Lexa shrugged. She wanted to answer, but his next answer made her frown. He looked serious… Was he? Her eyes widened and she gave him a little push in the upper arm, playfully. “I swear to the Mother if you do that I am taking you with me,” she told him. She squinted, looking at him through her eyelashes. “You better not,” she still tried. He wouldn’t. Right? He absolutely was not planning to throw her into the water. Nah, he was just bluffing. The woman rolled her eyes and put most of her weight on one arm, leaning towards him a bit.

“You should just find us something else interesting enough to look at for the night,” she tried, as a grin appeared on her face. She had to save herself in a way, right? Who knows what else he had in this garden! Anything sounded better than ending up in the damn water.