Re: Everything is wrong

wo jul 04, 2018 10:09 pm

THERE IS LOVE AND HATE

but this was in between

All the advice he was giving, was just one big assumption. He could not know what Kaz was feeling or thinking, nor could he guess what was going on in her head right now. He could just use the information she was giving him and try to fill in the blanks himself. He knew his brother, but how well did he really know him? They had spent so many years apart. He had been going through his own struggles, but so had Kaz. Out of the two of them, he felt like his brother had had it worse. At least he had not been alone. Edmund had been by his side, guiding him, raising him to be the man he now was. Kaz had figured it all out on his own. Had it changed him? Undoubtedly. Though he still held on to the memories he had of him. Where they both had been dealing with the drama that had been caused by his demons.

Could he really sit here and pretend like he still knew what he was like as a person? What if he was wrong too. What if she was right, and Kaz wouldn’t come back. Was he being too naive again? Did he see something that simply wasn’t there? Did he put his trust in a man that was long gone? For now, the balance was tipped in his favour though. He would give him the benefit of the doubt. Also because he didn’t want to believe he had lost his brother for good this time. Unfortunately, Allison thought differently. When he was done speaking, she stood up and created some distance between the both of them. The vampire sat perfectly still as he diverted his gaze at the ceiling.

“But if I allow myself to hope and it doesn’t work out…” Barely a soft whisper he could only pick up because of his supernatural hearing. The silence in the room was uncomfortable this time. Carefully he thought about how to put what he was about to say next. ”Isn’t that what life is though?” He said. Perhaps she would get angry at him now. Because he had eternity to make mistakes and learn from them. ”You either take the risks or you don’t. Life is full of what if’s. People get hurt. All the time. But what if it does work out? Wouldn’t it be worth it?” He sighed softly. ”You have to decide for yourself if he is worth it. Getting hurt. Because you might suffer in the future because of him again. There is only one way to find out though, and I get that it’s scary. I can’t decide what you need to do in your place. Just.. Promise me you won’t rush it.” Give it one more chance. Not only for his sake, but for hers too.

wo jul 04, 2018 11:08 pm

Surrounded, but always alone

So pick a place, pretend it's home

The higher you climb, the further you fall. But don't be ashamed of wanting it all. Cause the view from the top is beautiful but fleeting. Looks can be deceiving

Life was about taking risks. Words she had spoken time and time again. For as long as she could remember, there had been this voice in her head. This restless voice, filled with excitement as it whispered to her, feeding her hunger for adventure and new experiences. Her entire life she had spent risking, doing what other people told her she couldn’t do. At age seventeen, she became the advisor of a man who’d snap your neck if you spoke one bad word. She had managed to be the only one he ever trusted. And she knew that, somewhere deep inside, even that man felt for her. While she’d always fear that he’d kill her in a heartbeat, he never had. Even when she betrayed him.

So many people she met along her way had noticed that fire inside of her, which seemed to burn brighter than the sun. She wondered when she had lost that. And if there was a chance to light it again. One more time. One more chance, because right now… She needed it more than ever. Mort’s words had started to get through to her and she wondered if this was just… whatever fucking God it was that looked over them, testing her once more. She had not been given anything in life. Every single thing she had done, she had worked her arse off for. Born in riches, she had chosen a life on the streets. And oh, she sucked at stealing. So, she had worked her way up with a bit of charm. So why would she expect to find happiness without putting up the biggest fight for it? Because maybe this was exactly that kind of incredibly foolish thing she needed to do to find happiness with the man she’d hand her heart again without thinking twice about it. How could she not take this challenge? How could she walk away, while she had promised herself to risk anything and everything for the good of her own heart. Because her life before Kaz had been so much easier, but that was what she had been lacking. Love. His heart stopped beating the day he died, but hers beat for him until the day she would.

At last, she turned around. There it was. The faint spark of excitement in her eyes as she looked at Mort again. Still broken. Still bruised, bent and ruined. But she was taking the challenge. Because Kaz was not just the man she loved, not just the love of her life. He was family now. With or without a ring on her finger. Even if he did decide he couldn’t love her anymore… She would love him. In his weakest moments and in his strongest. When happy and when sad. She needed him to understand that she wasn’t going anywhere. But first, she needed him to love himself. To see that it wasn’t just pain and torment he brought. Because he was her happiness. Alive or a vampire. Happy or broken into a hundred pieces. He was her home and she wished to be his.

“He is worth the fight,” she finally answered. “We’ll just need to learn how to fight this battle of his.”

NOTES, ~
TAGS, mort

FL*

do jul 05, 2018 12:10 am

THERE IS LOVE AND HATE

but this was in between

Never had he doubted his love for his brother. When they had been separated, it had taken him some time to recover from the shock. But from the moment he had been aware of where he was and what had happened, he had always made the promise to himself to go look for him one day. When he was out of debt with the elder vampire, when he was free to go. It had always been his plan to do so and it was one of the few goals he had actually followed up with. Because his love went beyond death. After his heart had stopped beating, he still felt the same. This pull towards him even if he wasn’t even sure he was still alive. But he had taken the risk and look where they were now.

It had been worth it. Dying for him had been worth it. Being cursed for him had been worth it. Now she would have to decide if she loved Kaz enough to let him hurt her in times like this. Because it wouldn’t be easy. After he was done talking, he directed his gaze back at her. She was clearly considering it, he could see it in her posture. He gave her as much time as she needed. Even if she would say she couldn’t decide right now, that would be fine. She shouldn’t rush it. When she turned around, he expected her to say she was leaving this room. But she did the exact opposite.

In her eyes, he could find the fire he had seen that day when she had entered his mansion after he had warned her for the monster he had become. Dedicated to him as who he was as a person. Not the man he had been, but the man he was and the one he would become. Her love for him was evolving and it was a wonderful thing to witness. When she spoke, he felt relieved. She had made up her mind and she would give him another chance. A soft smile graced his lips as he nodded. Finally he allowed himself to relax a bit, rubbing his eyes with his left hand after which he pulled it through his hair with a soft sigh. ”We will figure this out, together”, He said, confirming once more that he was right by her side in this. Because for as long as Kaz couldn’t support her, he would. They were family, after all.

do jul 05, 2018 12:57 am

Surrounded, but always alone

So pick a place, pretend it's home

The higher you climb, the further you fall. But don't be ashamed of wanting it all. Cause the view from the top is beautiful but fleeting. Looks can be deceiving

‘I hope you burn in hell Allison,’ Kaz had once told her. At this point, she couldn’t help but laugh at the stupid memory. They had been through so much. Both with good and bad intentions. They had fought their way through life, only to keep finding each other for appearingly no reason at all. All the way back, when Giovanni had decided to end his life, she had decided the man was worth saving. After pulling herself together, she got rid of her easy life, just to keep him alive. At that point, she should have known that she would fight for him without end. The only thing that could ever make her stop fighting for him, was himself. When he would tell her, with full honesty, that he no longer cared. When his eyes would show that the words were as true as her love for him. Only then.

And of course, there was a part of her that disagreed. And that part would win sometimes. A voice that told her that she needed to choose for herself for once. That he wasn’t good for her. And perhaps one day, that part of her would win. But until that day, it was her choice to make. And for now, Mort had lifted her spirits. Kaz could drag her down immediately if he wanted to. Perhaps for good this time. But, he deserve another chance. Because he had been there for her too. Without her, he wouldn’t have been stuck in this forsaken castle. She had taken his freedom away from him, all because she needed him to hold her at night, to tell her everything would be alright. That same voice in her head told her how pathetic it was.

Together. Because she wasn’t alone and that was something she needed to remember. Mort was here with her. Fighting for the same goal. So she smiled, nodding carefully. “I think you should go see him,” she told Mort. Because she couldn’t. Not now. And she didn’t know when she would be ready to. Because she wasn’t quite sure when it was okay to go. Her nails found their way into the palm of her hand as she kept smiling. Classic Allison. “Though it probably won’t be pretty.” At least she had cleaned the room.

NOTES, ~
TAGS, mort

FL*

do jul 05, 2018 1:20 am

THERE IS LOVE AND HATE

but this was in between

For now it seemed like she had found the courage to fight through this. Fight for him, for their relationship. He admired her. Perhaps as much as he looked up to his brother. They truly were a good match, even though they were so different. Deep down he believed they would both get through this. Maybe not unharmed. Maybe not in one piece. But they would love each other, no matter the circumstances. And that was worth something, wasn’t it? He just wanted to see them both happy. It was important for his own happiness too. He felt best when the people around him were doing alright. That was why he would always put others first. Helping the ones he cared about before thinking about himself. Because he wasn’t doing too great himself, yet he would not communicate that. Not to her, and not now. She had her own problems to fix first.

When she told him to go see Kaz, he immediately felt a bit nervous. She stated what he already knew. It wouldn’t be pretty. It wouldn’t be easy. The most beautiful things in life didn’t come easy though. Hadn’t he just said that to her? So he got up and walked over to her, giving her one last hug. ”You should get in bed and get some sleep then. It’s not like I need it”, He said, nodding at the ridiculously huge bed. Huge castles had huge rooms and huge beds, he figured. The vampire let go of her and opened the door quietly before disappearing into the dark hallway.