Re: On my knees

za jun 23, 2018 1:50 am

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

She had done so well. She had kept it all professional and spoke to West as if nothing had happened. Mort didn’t have a shirt because his was covered in blood and he was sitting in the bed next to her, as they were clearly close to eachother. Completely platonic, of course. There wasn’t a part of her that wanted to climb on his lap and put her hands on his chest, slowly… Lexa, remember the words of the Healer. Don’t get distracted.

Anyhow, it would have worked. Had it not been for Mort’s slight stutter in his sentence.

The Commander bit her lip, but it was too late. The sound that came from her mouth made clear that she was about to laugh and West’s even more confused look just caused her to place her face in her hands, trying to regain her calmth before she looked back at West again, a smile on her face. “Thanks, West. We will see you once you’re done,” she spoke, shaking her head slightly as she threw Mort a gaze, before looking back at the man, who just stood there as if he had seen twenty ghosts riding a single chicken.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

za jun 23, 2018 2:06 am

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

Of course she had not remembered to bring up the shirt. No way in hell would he walk out of her room not wearing one though. He was determined to not let her go alone, so someone would have to come up with a solution. Sadly, he wasn’t that great at keeping it professional as she was. The man had made clear that he still didn’t like him, or trust him for that matter. Not taking orders from outsiders, as he had made clear yesterday. He had only allowed him to stay overnight because they shared the same goal, which was keeping the Commander safe. His question was not even remotely related to that goal, so he tried to ask it as friendly as possible. The stutter in his words gave away how nervous he was about the whole thing, and he had expected West to huff and tell him to fix his own damn clothing.

What he didn’t expect however, was for Lexa to start laughing. A bit confused he met her gaze, not quite understanding where this was coming from. When West finally left, after giving them the same spooked out look as when he had entered, he turned towards her again. ”What’s so funny?” He asked her, suspicion sneaking in his tone. If someone had told a joke, he had clearly missed it.

za jun 23, 2018 2:14 am

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

She had tried so hard, yet didn’t get that far. So in the end, it didn’t even matter. For the vampire had made her laugh, blowing the whole serious vibe the room had. If you ignored West trying to not stare at the insanely attractive chest that had been revealed next to her, at least. Mort didn’t seem to understand what was so funny, asking her about it once West had left. She turned around, looking at him with a smile on her face.

“Everything was going so well,” she told him, shaking her head. “And then you sounded…” She had to take a second again not to laugh, clearly amused by the situation. Something she wouldn’t have been if it had been anyone other than West. But, as long as it was West, she knew that she was safe. For her safety was more important than anything. “You sounded like you got caught red-handed with the stutter,” she explained. She’d need a while before the grin would finally be wiped off her face.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

za jun 23, 2018 2:30 am

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

Everyone in this village was so damn scary. From their clothing to the way they acted and spoke, even the way they breathed. He didn’t doubt for a second that any of the villagers would be ready to try and kill him from the moment he looked at them wrong. If it wasn’t for the protection of the Commander, he was quite sure that would have happened already. So naturally, he was nervous to address West. He also completely missed the confidence to make it sound as if he was not stressing out. When Lexa started laughing, he was even more self-aware of how much of a weakling he was. Luckily the guard left soon after, going on his quest to fetch him a shirt.

Which gave her the time to explain herself. Oh, so now it suddenly was his fault? ”You’re horrible”, He complained, a soft whine in his tone. ”I mean who would not stutter when being in the position I am”, He continued, pointing at his chest, as if it wasn’t obvious enough. He wasn’t the bravest of all either, so a bit more compassion would be great, tyvm.

za jun 23, 2018 3:00 am

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

She didn’t understand. It was so strange to a Child like herself to think about shame in that way. She didn’t understand why the man was so impressed by West, who she knew as nothing but gentle. A capable warrior, absolutely, but one of the biggest hearts in all of Vanaheim. The fact that he hadn’t worn a shirt was something that barely even came up in her head until he pointed it out, causing her to raise a brow again. Yes, she had felt quite self-aware when she had walked around in his place in a towel. But, that had been different. Other than that, the woman wasn’t often flustered.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized, though the smile on her face didn’t disappear. After all, she still didn’t quite understand why the lack of shirt mattered. If he gathered his confidence and walked out like that, looking completely sure of himself, she doubted that anyone would pay attention to it. “I told you,” she started, “you’re my people now.” She straightened her back, ignoring the sting through her arm as she suddenly placed her hand on her lap. “Until you believe it yourself, they won’t treat you that way,” she went on. She had accepted both Mort en his brother has her people, which meant the people of Mother’s Heart just had to live with that. Which they eventually would do, but if the man seemed any kind of insecure…

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

za jun 23, 2018 12:50 pm

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

Every interaction he had with one of her people, went wrong in some kind of way. First with the Mountain Man, now with West. It was a mystery how he could be himself around her, yet failed to do so when it came to the other warriors living in Vanaheim. Whenever he was faced with one of them, his confidence completely vanished. He wondered if the same would have happened when he would have met her in her Commander attire the first time. If he would have been as nervous and unsure. It had been a completely different setting though, so he couldn’t quite compare it.

Mort listened to what she had to say, and held back a sigh when she concluded he would just have to start to behave like he belonged here. That was the whole issue. He didn’t. It didn’t work like that. Yes, he was honoured she had offered to take him in as one of her people. Him and his brother, for that matter. But that didn’t mean he would magically get accepted. ”I’m trying”, He replied eventually. Blue eyes wandered of to his hands. ”It’s just, after all you’ve told me about your people, I’m not quite sure if I will ever fit in here”, He continued, sharing his worries about that. Hadn’t he just proven to be completely oblivious as to how to behave around here?

za jun 30, 2018 4:01 pm

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

To her, his response and actions did not make any sense. Why overthink everything so much? The current situation was simple, or at least, so she thought. He had the privilege of being accepted by none other than her, the Commander of all of Vanaheim. If there was one person her people would listen to, it was her. And she had started to walk a new route, carving it for her people. She opened her arms to strangers and had allowed him to walk with them. While her people were hesitant, he just… needed to walk along. Eventually, he would be part of that same path, along with the rest of them. To Lexa, this was all that mattered. Perhaps it was a cultural difference. While she thought she had a fair understanding of the outside world, Vanaheim was all she had ever known and would ever know. Some things were just not for her to understand.

“After all I’ve told me about my people,” she carefully quoted his words, raising a brow. “Would you mind telling me what it is exactly that is breaking your mind?” she then asked. Her people were many things. And yes, there were enough bad things to say about them. But Lexa believed that every negative had a positive. At least when it came to her people. Because where they were hesitant, they were also loyal. Once you had their loyalty, you had it forever. They were aggressive, or savage, but they were also fair. And they were her home, just as much as he was.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

za jun 30, 2018 9:15 pm

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

The way she quoted his words, made him worry he had insulted her. He hadn’t meant it in a bad way. It was just logical to draw certain conclusions after all the information she had shared with him. Sadly, those were now keeping him from feeling completely comfortable around her people. When she asked him to explain what was holding him back, he went silent for a bit. He softly bit down on his tongue while he was thinking. ”It’s hard to explain”, He warned her before attempting to. ”I think it’s because I grew up with few people around me. I was isolated in an environment that didn’t tolerate any violence or aggression”, He spoke, slowly picking his words. ”When I’m here, I feel like they know I’m not able to defend myself and they will see my weakness as an insult?” He said carefully. ”Who would want to be associated with me?” He concluded. Did it make any sense? Probably not.

di jul 03, 2018 1:39 am

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

Violence. While she always tried her best to see things from his perspective, she realised she was quite bad at doing so. The Commander always tried to put her head before her heart, but she couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt at his words. After all, when he spoke of her people, he spoke of her. Her way of life would never fit him and it was a strange thought, as she knew that there was no way out for her. While she would love to get involved in his world, she was stuck here. This was her life and nothing, not even him, could chance that. A thought that saddened her more by the day, as she felt that she was letting go of the Commander, even if it was just a little. She had been stuck in one place with the same mindset for too long. Mort was her way out, yet she knew she could never fully take it.

“I can’t change that,” she spoke, after a short silence. “I can’t change the violence in our life.” As it was not just them. It was her life too. One that she would never be able to escape. “But I think you’re strong,” she told him, smiling. “And if you let my people see that part of you, I’m sure they would love you.” He wasn’t strong in the ways that she was. It was like he filled up the parts where she was lacking, making her stronger just by being here. Something he had done ever since the day they met and hopefully, would continue to do for a while to come.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

di jul 03, 2018 2:12 am

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

Her people were warriors. Disciplined and passionate about their fighting skills. In a way he admired that. It was how they were raised and they embraced that identity to the fullest. Even if it meant living a very violent and often short life. Who was he to judge? She would never hear him say he despised her or her people for how they chose to live their lives. She just couldn’t expect him to adapt to it, or even get used to it. As long as he failed at doing so though, her people would never fully accept him. In this village he was the weakest, ranking even below most of the young children. And he didn’t mind that, at all. He was just scared they would eventually want to get rid of the weakest link. Because he wouldn’t change. Were they able to co-exist? He doubted it.

But he would try. Because it was important to her. ”I would never ask you to change that though. I wouldn’t ask you to change. I love you for who you are, all of it. That includes your past, and the things you will do in the future too”, He said calmly. He had forgiven her for killing his brother. Didn’t that prove he was speaking the truth? When she went on, he couldn’t help but smile softly. ”Like I said, I will try. I promise”, He replied. Perhaps he would fail. But at least he would know he had given it his all.

di jul 03, 2018 2:27 am

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

Weeks ago, she would have told herself something like this would have never worked. Her life was too different. There would never be a day where she wouldn’t consider it. Leaving it all behind, taking the selfish road and finding her peace in a life like his. Where one would be able to chase their own convictions, rather than be forced to believe those of another. And that was exactly what she had been doing. Forcing her ideas down her people’s throats. That was exactly what she was going to do today, too. It could be leading them on the correct path, but it could also be so that she was dooming them all. She tried not to think of it in that way, but doubts had started to cloud her mind months ago and they wouldn’t leave her until her final day.

Yet, he would never ask her to change. In defeat, she ripped her gaze away from him, looking at the sheets of the bed. How could she ask of him to do his best, while she wasn’t trying to live in his world at all? She pulled him into a world he didn’t belong in. A deep sigh sounded as he told her he would try. “It’s fine not to,” she admitted, looking up again. “I don’t want you to change,” she explained. After all, that wasn’t what she was trying to do. He didn’t need to change. “I just want you to see the strength that I see inside of you.” Because she believed that he was strong. Someone weak would not have been able to put up with her, after all.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

di jul 03, 2018 2:49 am

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

This whole conversation made him wonder if he would have had a whole different personality when he would have been born and raised here. His early childhood hadn’t been the easiest. Kaz’ demons had never hurt him in any way, yet they had terrified him. He just hadn’t let it show, wanting to protect his younger brother at all cost. When they had overheard their parents talk about him, speaking as if they were scared of him, he had wanted to prove them wrong. Forcing himself to sit quietly next to the boy, holding his hand as the demons crawled around the both of them. It sure had caused him trouble later on. Issues he had never dealt with as his sire had kept him hidden away and safe from all danger.

Which had lead to the fact that he now had no idea how to behave in an environment like this. Still, Lexa claimed he was strong. The vampire pulled his hand through his hair. ”Maybe one day”, He said with a faint smile. ”In the meantime, I’m not going anywhere. I learned a lot since I met you, you know. So if you let me, I want to keep doing exactly that”, He continued. Meaning he wanted to go with her when she spoke to her people later on. If she was alright with having him that close again when she was sitting on that throne, that was.

do jul 05, 2018 3:25 pm

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

While she tried to understand, she was very well aware that she failed. To her, his way of thinking made no sense at all. It wasn’t just strange, it went against her every instinct. To survive, she had to prove that she was stronger than everyone around her. From the day she had turned to the streets, she had to… be strong. Just pretending wouldn’t cut it. She had to actually be stronger than anyone expected. She needed to be able to do what no one expected of a child as young as her. And she did. With that, she had ensured her future, gained the attention of those who had made her into the woman she was today. And after winning the conclave, that strength was even more needed. And one day, it would be the death of her. Because it was that strength that would tell her to fight, even when she knew that battle would be her end.

Maybe one day. Until that day, she’d never understand. And something told her that he wasn’t quite going to explain either. Which was, of course, to be understood. After all, they were different. Something she accepted and would learn to live with, even if his thought process was weird to her. After all - he was never going to be a true part of Vanaheim, like he said. Even though she’d love for him to feel welcome here, his life was elsewhere. “Of course,” she told him. “Let us hope today will be quick and quiet,” she went on, shaking her head. Speak to her people and then go home. That was her plan. Sadly, her plans were never set in stone.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

do jul 05, 2018 5:03 pm

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

The conversation had left him wondering if he would ever truly belong somewhere. Though he quickly tried to shake that thought again. This early morning had been full of moments that had made him doubt himself. And he was quite frankly getting tired of it. For some reason Lexa had forced him to face his insecurities, something he usually tried to avoid. He knew there were certainly some flaws he could work on. Starting today, he would actually make the effort to do so. Life was a learning process, even more so for a vampire like himself. He had a lot of work to do before he would ever be the man he wanted to be. But he was ready to put the energy into it.

So when West returned, he really tried not to seem so nervous anymore. He got up and received the shirt from the man, putting it on while the man was talking to Lexa. The people had been informed of the speech she wanted to give today, and were already making their way towards the throne room. It was still early, but the sun was already above the horizon. It would give her some time to get ready too, as she would probably want to put on the war paint and change into something more fitting for speaking to her people later on.

za jul 07, 2018 1:02 am

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

A part of her wished that she could be like any other and ignore her responsibilities for a day. Or three hundred sixty five. But, she was well aware that wasn’t how it worked. So, when Wes entered the room, she only looked at Mort with the faintest smile on her face. “Sorry,” she whispered, before looking at West again. Almost instantly, she changed into the Commander role. Her green eyes now seemed to burn with a different fire and she straightened her back, no longer showing any of the weakness she dared to show Mort. Where he softened her, the presence of West seemed to completely nullify that effect. There was no time for this. No time for Lexa.

‘The Children are gathering in the throne room, Commander,’ his voice sounded and Lexa got up from the bed. It appeared she had forgotten that the Mountain Man hadn’t healed her bloodloss, as she struggled to keep standing straight for a bit, but managed to regain her balance in a second. No weakness, Commander. She needed to show her people that she was fine. That the Mother accepted her decisions. because that was the only way she’d ever get through to her people. By pretending she had the blessing of a God who she wasn’t sure actually cared for her ways. Yes, the Mother had allowed her to live through the fight. Yes, the Healer had been sent in Her name. But perhaps she was wrong and it had all been a warning. And if she’d continue this path, something bad was going to happen. Something very, very bad. Something that would be worse than death.

“I will be there when I am ready,” she told the man, stretching and smiling faintly. ‘Are you sure you are ready, Commander?’ he asked. She realised he was speaking to her in a… different way than usual. He kept referring to her as Commander, almost as if she needed to be reminded of her rank. “I will survive, West,” she told him, “I always survive.” Somehow, death hadn’t come for her yet. And while a part of her expected that this luck wouldn’t last forever, the best she could do was hope that her death was a long time off. Even if the odds weren’t in her favor. “So please.” And with that, West was out of the door too.

Without saying a word, she took off her shirt and changed into a different equipment, tightening the belts around her waist after putting the cape on her shoulder. The belts were uncomfortable to say the least, placed where the wound had been earlier. Without really thinking about it, her fingers moved to the wound on her arm, frowning lightly. The Mother, huh? If only she could have one discussion with their God. If only She could show her what path she had to take. Because, quite frankly, it felt like she had lost it and she wasn’t sure if the path she was about to take was the best. Not for her, nor her people. But her heart lured her there and her brain wasn’t strong enough to fight it.

“I promise you,” she started, before turning around to Mort, “next time we meet will be away from here. No business.” Just leisure. How good that sounded. A sigh left her mouth, before she turned around again. Warpaint, then they could head to the damn throne room.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*