On my knees

For most people, it would be difficult to switch into this… almost emotionless state. Almost as if she turned off her humanity. But, to her, in general, it was a lot easier than switching it back on. Because that was weakness. Because that allowed someone to hurt her. Yet, Mort had never given her that feeling. For most of her life, she had expected love to be… different. Always expected it to feel more dangerous than it was. Mort, however, felt like the safest place to her. As soon as it was him and her in the room, she let down every guard she had. The Commander was no more as she looked into his eyes, smiling softly.

What she would never get used to, however, was his vampiric speed. Suddenly, her wrist was grabbed and she was glad to realise that it was him before trying to defend herself. With his lips against hers, she found herself wishing she could stay in this moment forever. Nothing but them in the room, for a moment allowing herself to forget about the mess she was about to create. With him, it was like she didn’t need to find herself a path. Because as long as she had him by her side, she was right where she needed to be. Sadly, that wasn’t how it worked. She had people to take care of. A lot of them, too. Which she was reminded of when he pulled back and told her he’d wait for her in the throne room. Nodding slowly, she sighed, watching him leave the room. Time to go become the true Raccoon.

The whispers were hard to miss as she walked up to the throne, looking like the Commander they didn’t expect to see. While she could feel the dizziness that came from the bloodloss, she was strong enough to keep herself together. At least until she sat down, swinging one leg over the other and leaning back, trying to hide her slightly shaking legs from the people who carefully watched her in every move. In her hands, she held a simple dagger. While one would think it was only to show off, it was also because she was in a vulnerable position on the throne. Today more than ever. If anyone planned to do anything, it was for the best if she already had a weapon at hand. Even if it was merely a dagger.

“The challenger is dead,” she started, silencing the whispers with these four words. Now she had their full attention, even if the words she spoke were no news. They were merely there to draw the attention, to remind them what they were here for. Because it was no secret as to why he had challenged her. Word of that had spread around, no doubt. And she was well aware that her people doubted what she did. And that this fight, and the words she was going to speak next, were going to have an impact. One that would perhaps be barely noticeable to anyone else. But, it could be one step in either the right or the wrong direction. Depending on who you’d ask.

There was still a part of her that hated this. Who didn’t want to look around this room and speak to these people. Not because she was shy, or too weak to do so. But because she wasn’t fully sure the words she was about to speak were true. Something that she wouldn’t show, as any sign of doubt would nullify the meaning of the words she was about to speak. But, still, it took away a part of her strength to lie to her people. Or, perhaps, lie wasn’t the correct term. She wasn’t here to speak to them as much as she stood here to speak to herself. To give herself the courage she needed to move on. Because the Commander did not only speak to her people - she also spoke to Lexa herself. To the girl who did fear death. Who wanted the best for her people, yet wanted to run as far as she could. Today, the Commander would speak to her too. Encourage her.

“And with him, the doubt must die too,” the Commander spoke, straightening her back and looking around. While doing so, she made sure to make eye contact with those who seemed to radiate doubt. Those who weren’t here to support their Commander, but rather question every word she was about to speak. There weren’t many of them, but she knew that one mistake from her side, could lead to more. Doubt was her biggest enemy, because doubt opened the door to resistance. Something she couldn’t use at the moment.

“Our Mother has chosen and with Her blessing, I want to guide us towards a new future,” she went on. As always, her voice sounded stern. While she did not tell anyone what to do, it was clear she had a goal in mind. A path that she wanted to open up for everyone. One she would walk first, expecting them to follow. Not without doubt, not without complaints, but they had to follow. For it was their Mother that had chosen this path. Or, that was what she had to believe. That was what they had to believe.

“A future in which we will no longer have to fear every stranger that finds his way into our lands,” the Commander continued. It was hard, but she kept herself from standing up as she spoke to her people. Glad that the throne was placed on a higher ground than the rest of the room so she could still look down on her people, but still feeling like she was put in a weaker position by sitting down. And she’d try to stay this way, but she knew as well as anyone that she wasn’t going to stay put until the end of her speech. Because she could hear the doubt in the whispers again as she spoke these words. Could almost hear what they said, just because their words came as no surprise.

“I will not ask you to befriend them,” she spoke, creating silence again. “I will not ask you to bow before their damned King,” she went on, looking around the room as she did. “I will not ask you to trade with the Rhoynishmen, or allow these outsiders to hunt our prey.” Because, that wasn’t what this was about. “We’re not giving up our lands, our prey or our children.” Unlike they thought she was trying as she told them to accept these outsiders. The ones they would accept didn’t come here to take their lands. Because an open mind didn’t equal weakness. Because an outsider did not mean they were an enemy. This had been proven to her multiple times.

“I will, however, ask you to give those who come in peace a chance.” And this time, she seemed to have raised doubt in those who opposed her too. Mostly because they did not seem to understand. Why would their Commander want this? What was the point? Life was going well, was it not? “The Mountain People allowed ours to come into their lands centuries ago. And we have been at peace with them for as long as time remembers.” Or, at least, that was how the stories went. The Mother had allowed them to live on their grounds. So, technically, every person here descended from an outsider too.

“Because when war comes,” she continued, “and it will come, we need to be prepared.” There was no doubt to this. War would come. One day or the next, it would. Peace was merely an illusion, one that never lasted long. It wasn’t part of human nature to be at peace. It was a disguise, one that would wear down over time. And if they didn’t take a step into the outside world, it would come barging in eventually. They had to be prepared, or the next song would be about the Savage people. Slaughtered. How an entire civilization was ended in one war. A future the Commander would like to avoid. “We can pretend the outside world doesn’t exist, but they won’t do the same.” One day, they would step into their lands. And she planned on facing them with a spear in hand, killing every last one of them like their ancestors would have done. Preferably with allies by her side.

“This day might be tomorrow, but it might not come in our lifetime.” And here, she couldn’t help but focus her gaze on Mort for a second. As a vampire, he would probably live to see the next war. Whether it was in one, ten or a hundred years. A strange thought. “To even stand a chance, we need to open ourselves to the knowledge any possible ally could bring.” And she knew this was the only way to get her people to work with her. They didn’t care for sentimentalities. They wanted to survive, more than they wanted to live. The thought of needing this to ensure the survival of their people… was perhaps the only way for them to open up to the idea.

“Our Mother has chosen in our battle yesterday.” And with that, she finally stood up. While she felt the world twisting around her, she managed to stand straight as she looked down on her people. Those who had seen her fall during the battle, were genuinely surprised at their Commander standing again. And that had been exactly what she had tried to accomplish. “We need to accept the existence of the outside world, before it denies ours,” she spoke, strictly, as only the Commander could.

“From now on, our gates will open to those who are willing to leave their weapons behind. We won’t attack on sight. But make no mistake, as we will make them feel the consequence of opposing us if they do.” One step was taken forward, as she carefully played with her dagger, as if to show what exactly they would do to someone dumb enough to oppose them. “In the light of our Mother, we will win the war.” Whenever it would come. Because, it would.

“That is all.”

No one barged in to attack her. No one screamed how her ways were wrong. While she was well aware of the doubt in her people, she knew that doubt meant their mind had opened up to the thought. They didn’t need to be convinced in one day. After all, the Archeon hadn’t been built in a day either. But, each step in the right direction was one and if she could convince some of her people, then she had done more than she could have hoped to accomplish. And hopefully, the child that would follow in her shoes, would be convinced too. That way, all of this would not be for nothing. And in the long run, her people would finally open up to the world. A thought that, for now, still seemed like a dream. Hopefully one that would come true, even if it wasn’t in her lifetime.

The Commander was about to make way for the door, in hopes that Mort would follow her, when she noticed West walking towards her. A faint smile on her lips appeared as she greeted him, watched him bow before her. “Don’t worry,” she instantly told him. “I already had to promise the Healer to keep my mind where it belongs.” Her tasks. West laughed shortly, shaking his head. ‘I didn’t come here to lecture you, Lexa,’ he told her, now calling her by her name again, rather than her rank. It was when his next question sounded, that she couldn’t help but roll her eyes for a moment.

West’s words still echoed in her head as she walked to the front door, locking eyes with Mort for a second as she did, hoping he would follow her lead. Well aware that they still wanted her to rest, she knew that rest was impossible to take in Mother’s Heart, so she would have to survive the travel to the Watch. Only then could she sit down and actually feel safe. With the Mountain Lion guarding the door and Mort by her side, the Watch was probably the best place to be in all of Vanaheim. So, she made her way to the stables, where she turned around with a faint smile.

A good speech. Lexa shrugged at the compliment, softly smiling. “Thank you,” she told him, knowing he meant well with his compliment. Even if she did not necessarily agree. “All I can do from here, is hope my words got through.” Because in the end, that was all that mattered. Today, she had delivered a message. A message that could bring forth change, even when that change might come slow. Slow was better, after all, as it made sure that the change would last longer too. Sudden change was never a good thing, as people looked back at the past right before. There was an interesting thing that humans did, looking back and pretending the grass was greener the way things once were. They’d long back to a past that was worse, simply because the future seemed grey for a mere second. Which was something she’d like to avoid.

Calmly, she decided to walk up to Astral, who greeted her as happily as she always did. “How would you feel about riding again?” she asked, holding back laughter as she did. Perhaps he could take a different horse this time. Perhaps one that wasn’t hers, too. Though a part of her feared that he would lose the horse in a heartbeat, she knew that the idea was that he’d come by more often. So, he needed one. Whether it was one of hers or a younger one.

They were discussing the subject now. Lexa nodded carefully, thinking about it. He was right and she was well aware of the fact that the people were opened up to it now, or at least more than they were before. She had seen some of them nod, look at their neighbour and discuss what she had told them. It was a change of thought, one that could very well be an insane risk. But, also one that would make life so much easier. No longer fearing everyone who stepped foot on their lands, but instead using their knowledge to progress further. A thought that the younger inhabitants of Vanaheim seemed to appreciate, while the older ones seemed more hesitant towards it. As was mostly the case with change. Younger people were more open to it. She knew West had his doubts, but the man cared very little about politics. All he wanted was for his Commander to be safe.

“Then I’ll let you take the rein this time,” she decided to tell him with a soft smile, patting Astral on the head as she spoke. While she would have liked to ride Astral herself and hand him a younger, fiercer horse, she would gladly hold onto him and focus on not falling off, as the lack of blood was still absolutely noticeable to the woman. “Could you help me get her ready?” she asked. Not just because she didn’t think it would be the best idea to do it herself, but also to give Mort a short chance to get used to the horse before he would ride her. Astral was calm, but only to those she trusted.