On my knees

For as long as he could remember, he had always been one to follow his heart. Sometimes against all logic. Most of his decisions were driven by emotions. Even when he knew well enough that in the end, it could turn on him in the long run. If his heart was set on it, it was almost impossible to go back or ignore it. It had made him do things he regretted, for sure. But there had been enough positive outcomes too. After he had been turned, it felt like it was even more important to him to let his heart overrule. It felt like a victory against the monster. It was in those moments he felt more human. A feeling he desperately held on to.

Perhaps that was why he knew the truth he spoke was one set in stone. He loved her. Because he felt most human with her than he had felt in a very long time. Even longer than he was a vampire. Losing touch with his family had been devastating to the young child. From the moment his brother had drifted away, he had lost everyone he ever loved. Which was kind of problematic for someone with his personality. He had a lot of love to give, but no one to actually give it to. Until the moment he had met her.

Her words made a wave of warmth wash over him. He gladly let himself get pulled under by it. The smile around his lips turned into a relieved chuckle. It proved how right he had been to follow his heart once more. If they could say this after what had happened today, he knew there was not much left that could ever be a threat to them. Only death.. Only death would separate them. And in this moment, he was at peace with it. ”I hope these walls are soundproof”, He joked to lighten up the atmosphere again. Classic Mort.

Making stupid jokes was his coping mechanism. Luckily she wasn’t annoyed by it. Otherwise she had picked the wrong guy, honestly. Mort frowned when she started moving again, but this time she only moved to the side a bit. Making space for him. For a second, he hesitated. Knowing her warmth could trigger the monster. The thirst had gotten worse over time. Soon he decided that it was worth the risk. If he could handle touching her while she was bleeding badly, he could sure handle getting in bed with her. So he hummed, after which he pulled back the pelts and crawled under it. Careful not to hurt her of course. The fur he had wrapped around his shoulders, was now used as a barrier so she wouldn’t be laying against his bare chest.

The conclusion that she was talking about that one kind of grumpy guard was made quickly. The vampire couldn’t help but laugh when he remembered their conversation. Though he also knew the man had done quite the effort to push aside his distrust and hostility towards him. He didn’t know why exactly. ”I think the fact that you trusted me to come closer when you were at your most vulnerable, right after the fight”, He replied, thinking about that moment while he spoke. ”And perhaps because I convinced him we are on the same side. We both fight for the same cause, which is keeping you safe”, He continued. The vampire paused for a second. ”He also was quite.. Clear about what he would do if he would find out I was not honest with him”, He then said. The guard didn’t have to know about his vampiric nature to threaten him, did he?

The message had been very explicit. West would ‘end him’ if he would hurt the Commander. A tough job, considering his rapid healing. Unless the man had a silver sword lying around somewhere. Or a dragon, but that was even less likely. The vampire didn’t doubt for one second he would find a way though. He had been pretty serious about it. Despite all that, Mort didn’t fear him. Because he truly had no bad intentions with her. Not even when he was this close, her heartbeat demanding his attention. His throat burned, not yet painfully but clearly noticeable. The only reason why he didn’t lose control, was because he loved her. She kept the monster caged and safely locked away.

Lexa explained who this guard was and what he meant to her. Basically he was what Edmund had been to him. Someone to guide her, teach her and give her a sense of safety and belonging. The man chuckled when she said she was surprised. ”It’s not like I’m the most impressive warrior around here”, He said, shrugging lightly. It had probably been very obvious how uncomfortable he was around weapons, fighting and violence. It wasn’t hard to conclude he wasn’t a threat at all. ”He seemed ready to die for you”, Mort then mentioned, remembering how he had offered to fight for her. He wasn’t the youngest one of the bunch, but still. He looked like he was a very capable warrior. His chances against the younger challenger weren’t that great though. And yet, he had offered to take her spot without any hesitation.

While they were laying here, it all seemed so normal again. As if she hadn't been staring death in the eyes today. Just chatting about everything and nothing at once. She was sharing more stories with him and he listened, asking questions about the details. He was soaking it all up like a sponge. The more he learned about her, the happier he was. So this man had been a smith. Probably a job that paid well around here. It looked like even the youngest children were armed in some kind of way. It was all so normal for them that they probably didn’t realise how strange the concept was to people that were not from here.

Suddenly she asked how he was. It surprised him so much he couldn’t reply immediately, which caused her to mention the blood. It was a trigger for the thirst. The vampire swallowed hard, but he managed to pull up the corner of his mouth in a half smile. ”It’s manageable”, He replied. He didn’t mention how it was quite a struggle to do so. ”I got rid of the smell of blood in here, so I should be fine”, He continued, to reassure her that she was still safe.

As long as no one mentioned blood, he would be fine. Thanks to the couple of years of experience he had, it was not that hard anymore to kind of make the urge disappear into the background. Sadly, whenever something reminded him of it, it came back and when it came unexpectedly it could hit him quite hard. Around her though, he felt a next level of control over the monster. His brain was kind of reprogrammed to not see her as a potential prey anymore. Which he was very grateful for. With her, he was human, not vampire. Unfortunately she worried, and she accidentally bursted that bubble with her question.

“I wish I could be of help,” She said, bothered by the situation. The vampire shook his head. ”Going through the battle was the hardest part. I’m fine, really”, He told her again. ”You should worry about recovering”, He then said, frowning lightly. Of course she would help him if she could. But he didn’t expect it from her either. “Can you still stay, or…?” She then asked. Mort went quiet for a second, closing his eyes. He gently pulled her a bit closer. ”I’m not leaving until you are better”, He said. It would be hard, yes. Yet he couldn’t imagine abandoning her just because of the thirst. He would find a way to handle it, with or without her help.

It was unbelievable. She was obviously in a lot of pain, yet she was already worrying about other things. In this moment he wished he could read her mind, as he was curious about her thoughts. “Worrying about that isn’t going to speed up the process,” She replied to his words. ”No, and pushing yourself to get out of bed isn’t going to help either”, He retorted, with the same strict tone he had used earlier. It wasn’t nearly as impressive as her own, but he wouldn’t allow her to one way or another. ”You almost died today. You need to rest at least a couple of days”, He continued, fixing her with his gaze for a moment.

Which would mean he would have to go a couple of days without his fix. A challenge for sure. But leaving her when she needed him most? Never. “You’re the best,” She whispered. The young vampire smiled. ”I know”, He joked. He softly touched the bandage again. He could feel her tense up from time to time, probably because she was in pain. ”How much does it hurt?” He asked carefully, knowing well enough he would set her attention on it. But maybe.. Maybe he could help.

Stubborn. One of the traits he knew he had, and apparently he shared that with her. It was a mystery to him why she was so rushed to get back out there. She tried to explain. “This battle was a step. Finally. I need to take the next before something else grabs their attention,” She said, and the vampire bit his tongue for a bit while thinking about her words. ”Fine. But you best believe I will tie you down on your throne if you as much glare at the door, plotting your escape”, He sighed, after which he pulled up the corner of his mouth in a half smirk. If she could just talk to her people while sitting down, that could count as resting too, right?

Though he didn’t think that would be possible tomorrow. Her body was hurting. She could barely push herself off the bed. When she replied to his question, he could see the memories of it flash by. And the scent.. ”I know, I was there, you know”, He said quietly. He hated to see her hurt. ”There is maybe one thing I can try to give you some relief”, He said, bringing it up hesitantly. He turned his blue eyes to the ceiling. ”My venom, in a higher dose, works as a painkiller”, He continued. ”It won’t make it heal any faster, and it’s only temporary. I can’t do it too frequently either, because you would be at risk for addiction, but one time wouldn’t hurt”, He explained to her. If she could at least get a comfortable night, she might feel better in the morning.

Sometimes he actually came up with good ideas. It didn’t happen that often but when it happened, it was a great one. The vampire realised he wouldn’t be able to talk her out of it, so he decided to offer her a compromise. She wanted to speak to her people? Fine. But she would have to sit down. Luckily, she agreed on it. It made him feel slightly better. He knew how important it was for her to be a good Commander. To lead her people on this new path. She had shown how serious she was about it today. She was right when she said she needed to push it a little further now. Otherwise she would have done it for nothing and that idea wasn’t quite appealing to the vampire.

If she would now only let him take away some of the pain. It wouldn’t be easy on him, as he would have to bite her. The blood would trigger the instinct to hunt again. Badly. Especially when he would taste it on his tongue. But he was confident he would be able to control himself. For her sake. She declined his offer though. ”I believe you can pull yourself through it without my help, but I’m here now. I can help this time”, He tried, in an attempt to persuade her. ”I could bite your wrist, one of the smaller veins. You wouldn’t lose any more blood than necessary”, He continued. He pulled his gaze away from the ceiling, looking to meet hers. ”I can control myself”, Mort said, with a certainty he was confident of. He had controlled himself through the battle. It couldn’t get any worse than that.