Re: On my knees

zo jun 03, 2018 1:01 pm

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

He was trying to persuade her into it. The vampire acknowledged that she could pull through this herself, calming her down a little. She didn’t want him to think she was weak, no matter how stupid that was. He was the one person she was supposed to be able to be weak in front of, but not when it came to this. She was fine crying in front of him, telling him how things hurt her and how she felt about him. But, as soon as it was her position that was being questioned, every part of her wanted to fight back. She wanted to show that she was the Commander her people needed. It was what she had spent her entire life on.

Yet, Mort seemed to persist that he could help. That he could control himself. A frown made its way on her face and she bit her lip when another wave of pain shot through her body. “I don’t want to make it unnecessarily harder for you,” she told him. It would take her body a while to replenish the blood she had lost. How would they get through this? A sigh sounded. “I’m so sorry for this mess.” It was hopeless.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

zo jun 03, 2018 2:23 pm

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

Perhaps he was just looking for a way to finally turn this curse into something positive. The venom could help. He was a vampire, there was no need to deny that. No need to be ashamed about it either. Because he was still human, too. Just trying to be a decent person. He didn’t for a second doubt the fact that she had been through worse. Dealing with horrible pain all by herself, relying on only her own strength. She didn’t need to prove that to him. Yet she kept denying his offer. ”If it makes you feel better, it wouldn’t be unnecessary. I would do anything, you know that right?” He said softly. ”But I won’t push it any further. It’s a standing offer. If it gets worse, you can tell me”, He then said with a faint smile.

“I’m so sorry for this mess.”

Mort couldn’t help but chuckle. She was right. This was a mess. A terrible one, for that matter. At this point he knew there was no use in trying to fix it. They would just have to go with it, take every day as it would come. Preparing for it seemed impossible as well. With her, he would never know what the day would bring. ”It’s worth it”, He replied, a smile popping up around his lips. ”So worth it”, He continued, knowing it was the one certainty he had with her. He could feel it in his heart when he looked into her eyes.

zo jun 03, 2018 3:34 pm

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

It wasn’t unnecessary if it made her feel better. Lexa sighed, but didn’t fight it. He seemed to have the same idea, telling her that the offer would stand. The Commander knew all too well that she wouldn’t ask for help, but she nodded. She got what he was trying to do and it was nice, but she wasn’t going to make this any harder on him. The pain was a result of the fight and she needed to feel it. She had lived, but she had played too carelessly. It was time she started practicing more. This couldn’t happen again.

It was worth it. She smiled. “I hope so,” she agreed softly, before she closed her eyes. Tired as she was, she knew she still wouldn’t be able to sleep with the pain that was tormenting her. This was going to be a long day and an even longer night. “So what did you think?” she asked, opening her eyes again. “It was the complete opposite from our friendly fight,” she added. He had seen her there, but now he had seen her in true action. But, that wasn’t exactly what she was asking for. She wanted to know what had gone through his head at the time.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

zo jun 03, 2018 4:47 pm

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

Her rejection wasn’t personal. Yet, he had a hard time accepting it. He didn’t like the fact that she was denying him at all. She was hurt, he could help, and still she didn’t let him. Not because she didn’t trust him, or so he hoped. But because she was still in that Commander mindset. Convinced that she had to deal with it alone. To prove that she was still worthy of her rank. For that same reason, she would get herself out of bed tomorrow, despite her wounds. With all the good will in the world he tried to understand. He simply couldn’t. But he kept his opinion to himself.

“So what did you think?” She suddenly asked. “It was the complete opposite from our friendly fight,” She explained her question. ”I think I missed about half of it because I had to focus on controlling my instincts”, He confessed with an apologetic smile. "It was impressive though. It was fast, even for me. Your reflexes are insane", He continued. That's about all he could remember. It was as if his perception and memory had been split in two. On one side, the human that had a repulsion to violence watching a fight on life and death, afraid to lose the woman he loved. On the other, the monster, lured out by the scent of blood and the thirst that set his throat on fire, waiting for a moment to strike and quench that thirst.

”I didn’t see you.. You know, end it. I could only hear his heartbeat stutter and flatline”, He described. He didn’t know what was worse. Hearing a man die was more intimate than seeing one go. It was like a candle suddenly went up in smoke. When it had no face, it was more visible, the contrast between life and death.

zo jun 03, 2018 6:09 pm

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

Good, she thought, as he told her that he had missed half of it. He called her reflexes insane and she shook her head. “It’s hard to fight your own people,” she told him calmly, as if it was the most normal thing to discuss. To her, it was. And she was struggling with the fact that, in her eyes, her performance had been poor. It could have been her death, the end of this all. “They’ve seen me fight over and over again. They’ve grown to know what to expect.” Another reason that a Commander often lost to their own people. Once they knew your way of battle, victory was easy. They had the upper hand. Lexa had to rely on her opponent to make a mistake, leave an opening. That’s how she won, but it had been a close call this time.

“That’s good,” she told him, once he said that he hadn’t seen it. “I wouldn’t want you to.” It was a part of her life, but that didn’t mean it had to be part of his. He hated bloodshed, so even if it wasn’t for his vampirism, he would have hated what went down today. She could have died, but not just that. To survive, she ended someone else’s life. And the crowd cheered. It was why they were widely known as the savages. And it was traditions like that, that had to stay. That gave her people faith. She couldn’t take that away from them.

Yet, he stayed. And for that, she loved him more than anything. “I’m lucky,” she told him softly. Without the context, it probably seemed like she was talking about her survival today. Though she doubted luck had anything to do with that. It had been her Mother’s blessing, for sure.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

zo jun 03, 2018 6:24 pm

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

“It’s hard to fight your own people,” She said. He could imagine. Until she explained what she meant exactly. Where he thought it was because she knew them all, considered them her friends. It was a close community. He thought it was hard because she fought against familiar faces. But that wasn’t the issue, apparently. It was way more technical than that. Another thing he would probably never understand. ”That’s not really fair, is it”, He commented. When he told her about not seeing her kill the man, she told him it was a good thing. ”I don’t really agree”, He replied softly. He bit his tongue for a second. ”The way a heart dies.. I..”, He interrupted himself, struggling for words.

”It’s what I remember most vividly from when I died”, He whispered, his tone suddenly fragile like glass. ”I could hear my heart struggle. My body was numb, it didn’t feel like mine anymore. It felt like I was standing right next to myself, my eyes closed, as I heard my heart beat for the last time before it completely stopped”, He continued, barely audible anymore. Hearing that again today reminded him of that moment. And the moment where he had heard Kaz’ heart gave up too. Even if his own heart wasn’t beating anymore, he had felt it stop all over again. The vampire closed his eyes and sighed deeply. Trying to shake off the memory as it was making him feel an intense sadness. Because he knew that one day, her heart would do the same.

“I’m lucky,” She said, pulling him out of his thoughts again. Blue eyes found hers, a confused shimmer in them. ”How so?” He asked. Lucky that she had won? Lucky that she had survived? Because that was partly thanks to her skills, and her doctor’s for that matter, too. Not only luck. But the tone in her voice betrayed that there was more to it than just that. So he waited patiently for her to explain.

zo jun 03, 2018 6:45 pm

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

Mort commented that it wasn’t fair and she shook her head. “It’s why I can’t afford to take time off. If I had done better, I could’ve not gotten hurt,” she sighed. She was blaming herself for this. And that was part of the reason why she couldn’t accept his help. The pain she felt, she deserved it. By being a disappointment, she had earned the pain. It had to form into a scar to remind her of the mistakes she made. She would carry it with pride, as she had won. Yet, feel ashamed, for she hadn’t performed up to expectation.

Mort told her about the sound of a heart dying, how it reminded him of himself. Lexa bit her lip, carefully taking in the words he spoke. His tone was so fragile and his voice died down as he spoke, showing how much it pained him to think back. “I can’t imagine,” she told him softly, shaking her head as she looked at him. “I’m sorry for reminding you of that.” She couldn’t say much else, so all she did was look at him. She would have loved to give him a hug, press her lips in the curve of his neck and tell him that she was here. But, she knew that each movement caused so much pain, that she just stayed, frozen in her place.

‘How so?’ he asked, once she had told him she was lucky. Closing her eyes, she started explaining. Her voice soft, but he would be able to hear her without problem. “To have you,” she told him. “To know that you were there… It…” For a moment she fell quiet, clenching her teeth as a wave of pain went through her again. “You’ve given me something far greater than a purpose,” she explained, after a short silence. “I’m so sorry for putting you through all this,” she apologized, yet again.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

zo jun 03, 2018 7:57 pm

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

The experience he had been through, sure had left scars on his soul. Where she had them on her skin, he had them on his heart. A heart that hadn’t been beating for a little over four years now. It was always a very alienating thought. It didn’t feel like he had gone back to his body completely. He had heard himself pass away. Crossing a threshold he shouldn’t come back from. Yet, he had. Thanks to the venom pumping through his veins at the moment. But a part of him hadn’t come back. A part of him had died for good. And no matter how hard he tried, he would never get it back. It was painful. As if he attended the funeral of his innocence.

”It was either his or yours”, He reacted to her words. ”You did what you had to do”, He continued, blue eyes still dimmed, as if he had almost lost his hope again. He had shared some very intimate information with her. She deserved to know. She had told him quite some things about herself too. It helped them bond. No matter how hard it was to talk about some stuff that had happened, he wasn’t ashamed of showing his emotions to her. His fears, his mistakes. She could have them all, as he knew they were safe with her.

Her words were at least a distraction from the awful memories haunting him at the moment. It hushed them, and they disappeared into the back of his mind again. When she apologised once again, he gently grabbed her hand between his. He pressed a soft kiss on her skin and leaned his head against them after. ”Still worth it”, He whispered. ”And I mean it. I was aware of what I got myself into, and I have no regrets”, He said with a reassuring smile around his lips. No matter how hard it would be, he would never regret it.

ma jun 04, 2018 2:00 pm

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

They were the biggest kind of mess and they both knew that there was no way that was going to change. For as long as she was alive, she would need to focus on her people, on their ways. Even when she didn’t want to, or when she didn’t agree, she had to follow it. To make her people believe in her, she needed to lead them onto a new path. Not just carve one next to it. Slowly but surely they could change their way of thinking. If she tried changing their ways too quickly, her people would turn against her even more than they already did and all would come to an end.

Yet, none of them was regretting any of it. She had opened herself up to him and she wanted to give him every piece of comfort to do the same. The idea that her actions caused him harm hurt her endlessly, yet she knew that there was very little she could change about it. There were things she needed to do. Yet, she felt incredibly bad for them and kept apologizing, even when he told her that he was aware of the reasons behind her actions. She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh. “Thanks,” she responded, softly. “I’m glad to hear that.”

Again, the Commander fell quiet for a bit, closing her eyes and focussing her attention on his hands around hers. “I’m tired,” she admitted. But, sleep wasn’t going to happen. Not while her skin felt like burning off. Perhaps, if she got tired enough, eventually.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

ma jun 04, 2018 3:32 pm

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

Over time, dealing with death should get easier. Or he would get used to it more, that was the correcter way to describe it. Edmund had promised. He had been well aware of the fact that he would outlive all the people he loved from the moment he would be turned into a vampire. So he knew beforehand that he would have to deal with people around him dying. That it would be this soon, was unexpected. Luckily it hadn’t been someone he knew. Still, it had left him quite in shock. The throwback to his own death wasn’t one he had been prepared for. Yet he couldn’t imagine he would have turned his back on her. Leave the battlefield, like she had told him to do so if he was uncomfortable. No. He knew he would have to sit through it. And that it would happen again.

No regrets. He really meant it too. Today hadn’t changed his mind one bit. He still loved her the same. Maybe even a bit more. It looked like she was struggling a bit harder with that than he was. She probably thought he judged her. Hopefully one day she would realise he would never. Until then, he would reassure her as many times as she needed it. After she was quiet for a while, she mentioned that she was tired. Mort frowned lightly. ”Would it help if we tried to cool your skin down?” He asked. ”I could get you a wet towel”, He suggested. Meanwhile, he felt that same sting in his chest as earlier. How he hated to see her suffer..

ma jun 04, 2018 9:53 pm

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

Mort was trying everything he could to help. A faint smile was thrown his way as she took a deep breath in, trying not to show the pain she was currently in. It wasn’t just the wound either - the general feeling of blood loss wasn’t great to begin with. It was like the pain kept her awake, while the rest of her body so desperately needed some rest to heal. Mort asked her if cooling the skin down would work, told her he could get a wet towel. She smiled, shaking her head softly. “You can’t leave,” she told him carefully.She felt bad for turning down his offer yet again, but at this time all she wanted was for him to stay here. The moment he would leave, she felt like her courage would leave with him and she would finally end up in tears.

After a bit of silence, she looked up at him again. “There is one thing you can do,” she started softly. He seemed to want to help, something she kept shutting down. There was, however, one thing he could do. “Tell me something,” she tried, taking a deep breath in as a shot of pain went through her body. “Just… something to distract me for a bit.” She was curious to everything he had to tell. Perhaps, her mind could forget the pain for a bit. And if not, it was always nice to hear him talk.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

ma jun 04, 2018 10:38 pm

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

What a surprise, she was tired. Her body had been through a whole lot today, it was only logical that she needed rest. The fact that she admitted it though, was progress. At least she understood she had to take it slow for a couple of days. Hopefully she would remember in the morning how tired she was right now. He doubted it though. She always pushed forward. No matter how hard it was, she would always give 200%. He admired her for it, but he couldn’t help but think how stupid it was at the same time. Again, she denied his help. “You can’t leave,” She said, a peculiar way of declining his offer. The vampire bit his tongue to hold back a sigh. ”If that’s what you want, then I won’t”, He said with a faint smile. Unbelievable.

“There is one thing you can do,” She said after a short break. Mort waited for her to explain her wishes. Distraction. He hummed softly while he exhaled, thinking about a story to tell her. ”Oh, eh, let’s see”, He then said, coughing lightly before he started talking. ”I think I was around ten years old when Edmund first took me to the city. At that time, I had gotten pretty used to living with him. I was done exploring the mansion, the stables and the farm. I wanted to go somewhere new and exciting. I had begged him a million times to take me with him and finally he allowed me to come”, He said, recalling the day as if it happened only just yesterday.

”New and exciting it was for sure”, He continued with a little grin. ”So exciting even, that I was focused on so many things at once, except for Edmund”, He chuckled. ”Suddenly I was all alone in a city I didn’t know. Naturally, I panicked. I got very lucky an older woman noticed something was wrong. She took me to the nearest tavern and made sure I was comfortable while she fetched some guards to look for Edmund. It took them an hour to find him but eventually he showed up in the tavern too”, He continued. ”He was furious, and if it wasn’t for the older lady he would have smacked me across the face”, He chuckled. ”Later, I became friends with her. I helped her with chores and she showed me around the city. Good times”, He ended the story, a smile around his lips. At least there were some pleasant memories in his past. He needed to be reminded of that. ”Thank you”, He therefore said. His mood was better. Now he hoped she was feeling slightly better too.

ma jun 04, 2018 11:05 pm

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

There wouldn’t be a point in her life where she would stop being interested in learning more about this man. All his flaws, all his strengths. His ideas of the future and his experiences of the past. So, when she knew she needed something to distract her from the pain, she realized there was only one thing capable of doing that. A story about his life. A part of him that she never knew. No matter how small, no matter how unimportant it could be to their relationship today. It was another image of him that she could hold dear. Another story she could listen to, driving away the pain as she tried to create that image.

The thought of a little Mort was the cutest thing she had ever created an image of. The innocence he held now must have been even greater at those times. Those perfect blue eyes, filled with the excitement of a child. The pain couldn’t keep a smile from appearing on her face at the thought of that. He told her a simple story, one where he had lost his sire for a moment, but formed a new bond in the process of finding him again. A tale with a happy end, and even an unexpected friendship that had come from it. Lexa was glad to hear this story, as he hadn’t shared many happy tales of his past with her.

It was when he thanked her, that she realised how sleepy it had gotten her. She hummed softly in response. She didn’t quite understand what it was that he thanked her for, as his story had helped her get her mind off of everything. And it had given her the chance to forget about her people, even for a little bit, finally allowing herself to take some rest.

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*

ma jun 04, 2018 11:37 pm

HOW DO YOU LET GO

when you’re still holding on

There had been a couple of good years in his childhood. After all, Edmund had treated him more like a son than his property. It was still a mystery as to why he had that father-instincts towards him. He still didn’t understand. What had the man seen in him that he had paid such a ridiculous amount of money to take him in? Surely, he had paid him back. In full. Yet the man had asked him if he wanted to join him in eternity. Because he didn’t want to lose his son. That’s what he had called him. Not fledgling. Son. For Mort it had been a lot harder to see the elder as a father. Of course he was grateful. Of course he loved his sire. But he already had a father, even though he had passed too soon.

Nonetheless, he had some great memories from his childhood. And he was more than happy to share them with her. It looked like her plan had worked. She only hummed as a reaction to his words, which made him hold back soft laughter. Don’t wake her up again, fool. Her breathing slowed down. The vampire moved himself slightly, so he could support his head better. Looking at her face, how the expression of pain faded away as she fell asleep. He synced his breathing with hers, so her subconsciousness would pick up his presence. Hopefully it would reassure her that he was still here, so she could have the rest she deserved. Mort pressed another kiss on her hand. This time, he would make sure not to fall asleep himself.

di jun 05, 2018 1:51 am

We're standing face-to-face

with our own human race

We commit the sins again and our sons and daughters pay. Our tainted history is playing on repeat, but we could change it if we stand up strong and take the lead

There was never a good time for a bad dream. But, there were times where they were even worse. Like when you were sleeping in a bed with someone else, for example. Suddenly shooting up and feeling their eyes on you was the worst. Yet, she knew she’d rather wake from a nightmare if it was next to Mort, as he would calm her down with just a touch. Sadly, that wasn’t what made this such a bad timing for a nightmare. What did, was the fact that everything still hurt. Which probably had made it feel so real, dreaming that the battle had ended differently. The sword pierced through her skin and…

She shot up, only to take a deep breath in and whimper in pain as she fell back into the pillow, tears in her eyes. Fuck, what a way to wake up. She took a deep breath in and made some noises in complaint as she put her hand on the bandage that covered her waist. Slowly, the memories of the previous day came back to her, causing her to sigh deeply, before she clenched her teeth together. The pain hadn’t gotten much better. How was she going to speak to her people like this?

NOTES, none
TAGS, Mort

FL*