At least Kaz was being himself, as quiet and grumpy as he always was when he woke up. She stared at the ceiling, raising her hand so she could look at her now clean hands again, carefully inspecting her nails to see there was absolutely no blood left. Which was probably useless, considering the fact that Kaz was not, in any way, going to be able to take a proper bath right now. And she was not going to stay here while he was still covered in old blood. It smelled and it must feel uncomfortable, too. The ink on his hand, the blood on his body. The least she could do was use a towel to clean it up as good as possible. It would be a whole lot better than digging into his wound, at least.

Being called a pessimist by Kaz. Well, that was new. He told her he’d change, which caused her to raise a brow. In a quick movement, she sat up again, sighing deeply. “I think we should get rid of the blood,” she told him. She just… needed to get rid of that smell. Needed to feel like things were going better. Washing it off, both literally and figuratively. Well aware that the things he had gone through wouldn’t be washed off all that easily, sitting here with blood on his stomach that was days old… was probably not helping.

---

Of course, she was aware how he hated waking up. But, once she had decided that something needed to be done, it was better to just go along with it. Which Kaz, luckily, seemed to understand as he nodded. His glare made very clear how he felt about the situation, causing her to laugh for a moment. “Afterwards I won’t bother you anymore, okay?” she asked, a faint smile on her face. He could have all the silence in the world after that. For now, however, she wanted to rid this room of the smell as much as possible. And she wanted to see him heal, rather than still see this beaten up, bloodied version of him that they were trying to fix.

Quite enthusiastically for someone who hadn’t eaten all day, she jumped up from the bed and put the bucket next to the bed, before throwing the towels on a clean spot and taking place next to it. “Come on,” she told him, a faint smile. “It’ll be over in no-time.” Probably not. But, hey. They would get through this. The whole wound-poking incident was a whole lot worse than cleaning off some old blood could ever be.

---

He was a vampire and because of that, she couldn’t treat this normally. They couldn’t find themselves a doctor to treat his wounds, as they would heal themselves. Way quicker than they would if she was the one wounded, but slower than they normally would on his. It was an interesting situation. And she knew that she would be able to help him with her Alchemy, but this was for tomorrow. With her current lack of sleep and food, she would not be able to even find the ingredients, much less so prepare them properly. For now, all she could do was clean them up. Luckily, his wounds would not get infected, so it wasn’t the biggest deal.

For once, he actually listened. He took off his shirt, revealing the complete mess that was his upper body right now. The scars were nothing new, but the wounds on his stomach… She couldn’t help but sigh as she saw them, shaking her head slowly. As she always did when she felt a bit nervous, she pulled her hand through her hair, looking at the dried-up blood. “This is going to take a bit,” she told him. One towel was taken off the pile, which she dipped in the water before turning towards him again. “But it will be so much better.” And with that, she gently pushed the towel onto some of the dried-up blood, hoping that getting it wet would help remove it.

---

There would never be a day in her life where she wouldn’t worry about this man. It had only taken him a few meetings before he had intrigued her and by now, he was on her mind all the time. Worried, hoping that one day, he would find happiness. Be it within her lifetime or not. A scary thought, as she might not live to see the day where he finally would. But, she knew that this was just the way their lives had worked out. All she could do, was hope to find a cure before it was too late. But perhaps, after all of this, it already was.

Right now, she was worried too. No complaints, no witty comments. He just sat there, as if it all didn’t matter anymore. She placed her empty hand on the bed, leaning on it as she gently brushed the towel over his skin, quietly cursing the woman who had done this all to him. Like he was a puppet, just alive to send the message she had wanted to send. It was saddening to think someone could be that far gone, but she knew that this was something to break her mind over later. For now, she needed to be here. Not just physically, but mentally too.

For a while, she was quiet too. Every now and then she leaned away to get some of the water on her towel, but other than that she sat mostly still, just carefully rubbing the skin around the wounds with the towel. It didn’t come off easily, that much was certain. It was something to keep her mind off the worries she was having, but after a while, it simply wasn’t enough. “I’m sorry.”

---

Even though she tried her best not to hurt him, it was inevitable. Yet another moment that reminded her of the way they were together. No matter how hard she tried, it seemed like it was never enough. There would always be something she’d do wrong. Maybe it was just the way she was, where she was fully incapable of helping him through anything, just here to make matters worse and rely on him when she was too fucking miserable to take care of herself. Or maybe these were just his words echoing in her head. After all, had he not been right? Was she not here for selfish reasons? Because she needed him? Maybe it wasn’t the same the other way around.

While they themselves were the poison, they were also the antidote. He worried her to the point where her head started to hurt, but he was also the only one capable of getting her to calm down. Not in this moment, however, where he only looked at her, his gaze filled with confusion. “Seems like I’m not good at looking after you,” she told him with the faintest smile, looking at his wound instead of his face again, finding it to be the perfect excuse to avoid his gaze. He still looked miserable and she had no idea how to fix it.

---

Of course, she had been busy. Not just with her new tasks as a Grand Duchess, but with figuring out herself too. She was a living, breathing mess. Something she hadn’t been ready to show anyone, yet some had figured it out for themselves. Everyone told her the same. ‘You can do it. You’re strong.’ It didn’t quite help, only made her feel weaker for failing the image they had of her. She wasn’t strong. Quite the contrary. She tried to be, for him, but she kept pulling herself into this abyss of doubt, as if they didn’t have enough problems already. Miserable.

Not her fault. A sigh sounded as she softly shook her head. “I’ve been too distracted,” she told him, almost in a whisper. “It all doesn’t matter right now,” she softly went on. All the things she had broken her mind over, all seemed so small right now. As she brushed the blood from his body, wondering if he would ever be the same again. “Is there anything I can do?” she asked, still refusing to look at him.

---

Stop making excuses. It happened. This was Kaz. She needed to get used to him not being any kind of soothing, something she’d probably never be able to. So all she did was bite her lip, nodding once as she went on cleaning his stomach. It took a while to get the blood off, especially since she was trying not to hurt him, as she always tried. Even though she failed, she wouldn’t stop trying. Even when he deserved to be poked straight into the wound, she would try not to. Like the loving wife she was.

“Your stomach is as good as it gets now,” she told him, after being completely silent for a while. Lost in thought, she took a new towel and dipped it in the water for a second. “Let me see your hand,” she told him calmly, before shifting towards him again. Still, she didn’t quite meet his gaze, but instead kept her eyes focused on his stomach, unconsciously visualising what he must’ve gone through. Why couldn’t things ever go well for once? Perhaps it was time to leave everything behind, lock herself up in her home in Falkreath and care about nothing but her books again. Because that had been quite the easy fucking life.

---